I try to every night, all in vain...in vain

[Sugar and Spice]

You need to say to yourself: Do I want him back; yes or no. If no end of story, done deal. If yes, it gets more complicated: In what capacity do I want him back ie, friends, husband or simply as a partner to raise our children? Then you will need to set the rules for what you are wanting.

The short answer is yes. The complications mount from there. I'm not sure WHAT capacity that I want with/from him. Right now there is just NO thinking about anything other than a sort of friendship/co-parenting thing.

Unless or until there is more information about the baby and that whole mess, this is the only R that is feasible for us.

If he can't do any of it ...well that is another can of beans but if he can...you need to know where you stand.

That remains to be seen.

Your old marriage is gone. Sorry if that sounds awful but really you wouldn't want to go back to what led to this betrayal. Think about what you would want and if he gets that far, talk about what changes you both need to see in each other.

I have said this same thing from the start. We can't ever go back to the old marriage and that is probably a good thing. We won't ever be those people again. Our old M is what in large part got us here. We have actually talked about how we would like to see things change to make our M better if we were to give it another try. Obviously the gambling would have to stop and he would need to either go NC with the Troll if the baby isn't his or set up some mututally agreeable co-parenting if it is. I am open to working on things, but I won't do it alone.

If I do end up moving on, I'll be able to do it with a clear conscience and the knowledge that I did everything I could to save it and it just wasn't up to me.

Please feel free to post the recipe wherever it works best for you and thanks for giving it to me.