surviving is all i am doing. my heart just needs something other than vacant space and time.
even when i sleep (as i did both last night for a good stretch and again this PM)i still feel run down. my heart feels as though it has been tractor trailered.
it has been my dream to make it there. pack your bags. let's throw away our identities and head for the land of the fjords and airplanes. Just beginning to fuel up the aeroplane.
Oh to dream. more vicarious living. i am afraid i am hardly new to it.
ok my two pouty sad friends. both of you stop. its hard, i had to quit and put on the F-U best game face ever, i made it. forgiveness. i dont think any of us have forgiven, i am not stupid, i know better than to fully believe my great couple days, actions, they speak louder than words, its not a saying think about it.
forgiveness. unforgiveness imprisons the heart.
its a hard road, i bawled to smw the other day, WE were betrayed or left, and WE are the ones trying to fix and save. we cant save if we dont let GOD help, and WORK. we have to forgive, and that is my deal, how the hell do I bust my bootie, do chemo, mom farm and SAVE a flippen marriage? I cant, God can.
love you
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
unfortunately ..i have gone down the foregiveness road pretty far cuz I know the overall life my darling has had and it hasn't been at all the least bit pretty.
the weight (and wait ..if i am even waiting on something??? other than closure)is all consuming to me and my better parts (if I posess any). I need relief from my excellent Lord and I need it real soon
sheesh i just had a breaththru i need a few gonna put it on james post! omg brb
thanks yes! we all need love!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
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