Thanks for reading with an open mind. If I just agree with you it won't be helpful. But if I play devil's advocate and question things, and try to also see the positives and his view, perhaps I can help you see things from another angle... or maybe I'll just be completely wrong, but that's okay too.
I understand you don't view it as a positive that he does care what others think. It doesn't make what he did better, but on the other hand, most of these guys really don't care about what anyone thinks. They rather be with OW. Your H did make the choice to stay with you. However, if you want a D, keep blaming him, staying distant and being unhappy and there is a chance he may decide that he doesn't care what others think. It's just too miserable in the marriage and he will want a D too.
When did the affair end?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
