My second thread is about to be locked, I think, so I re-posted my last post:
Thanks. It really is such a long road. People here have been telling me this but it really only just started to sink in today when I saw H. He is so far away from being whole and well.
Working on the PMA. When H said he was not going to our vacation place for Thanksgiving, my initial reaction was, "crap, now he won't get the emotional kick in the butt I was hoping he'd get when hit with all of the memories." But, while I was out on my run, it occurred to me that he may already realize some things. Maybe he does not want to go because he knows it would be painful, maybe he is feeling some of the things I hoped he would feel.
I am still such a work in progress. I need to learn how to stop thinking about H and R constantly. I can get a break for only short little bursts (think 10 minutes or less.) I think this is why I have the breakdowns I have on Fridays and Saturdays.
Work keeps me distracted enough during the week, but I still think about it every spare moment and then by Friday, when I realize I am alone, it all just crashes down.
I decided to take today as a lesson for my weak moments. I had no idea H was going to call for a meeting. That just shows me that ANYTHING can happen at a moment's notice. And I am doing something right (with so much help fom all of you) because in less than 1 month of DBing, H has emailed twice and called today for lunch. Do more of what works and stop doing what does not work.
Running is a good thing. Let's you sort things through. This board is my life line. I would be lost without you all.
