PM Thread #2

[PositivelyMommy]

{{{{{{{TxMom}}}}}}}}

How is my tennis friend? Did you get some sets in this weekend? I know tennis cheers me up enormously so I try to play whenever I can.

I hear you. Everything you said is true for me as well. We flipflop but I think I might be just a little bit ahead of the curve because my bomb happened just a bit before yours. So I can say, your emotions will settle down more with time. Not that time heals everything but the pain will dull a little, your strength will return and you will feel almost normal for a whole day. That is a good feeling.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I don't know which, my H has not yet mentioned the dreaded D word. He is very avoidant and don't talk about ANY feelings or ANY OW stuff or ANY of our R stuff at all. So I am playing by those rules for now because I almost get smacked (not literally) if I voice my feelings.

But you know what, from what I have read here and how my H behaves, I think most of the time, they are trying to convince THEMSELVES as much as you, that they are making the RIGHT decision for them. I think that is the case with my H. He has made such a BIG DEAL regarding the breakdown of our relationship in the past and his new love that he has to make it all seem worthwhile! Otherwise, he has to admit that he is a big jerk, right? But who in the world would admit that to themselves?

So my advice to you is the advice my DB coach gave me, for my two cents, just agree with him! I know it's risky but you might as well try it! Do a total 180 and say, yes, you deserve to be happy, everyone deserves happiness and if you are happy with her, then by all means, you should spend more time with her. And then wait.

He will either be:
a) Really relieved that you agree with him - in which case, why push for a D when he can have his cake and eat it

b) Reconsidering - why is she agreeing with me? Why doesn't she beg and cry like she usually does? Doesn't she love me anymore? But I'm so awesome, she MUST be desperate to have me back!! This will get his curiosity going and get his attention back on you.

I know this is a big risk and you probably need to practise in a mirror so you put on a convincing face (I did it, it looked stupid but I wanted to be convincing when the time came - hasn't yet but I'm prepped).

So Tx, do the 180. What you want to do now is not fix your R but just put seeds of doubt in his mind, that's all. Baby steps, honey. You can do it!