"oh he really wants me and blah blah blah" is you living in his head.
Ha Ha SPM you are funny. It makes me feel wanted i suppose.
You are definitely right about getting out an doing stuff. SOMETIMES I want to just to wallow. Not healthy, not helpful and very pathetic.
Just got home from the movies with girlfriends. Saw Road to Radinvich ( or something like that ) Chick flick about second chances. Not good for anyone Dbing however it was an escape. And after that escape which is now ,I feel a little better .... if he wants someone else, then too bad for me, go enjoy, your loss, blah blah blah.
Tomorrow though is Sunday and the hardest day for me. I have to get out of this house, when this house needs a s*&^ load of attention.
Yet I have a solution , i will pay someone to come and clean it this week! Takes the pressure off at least something.
Hang in with me.
To answer questions . Yes i see C every week. Her diagnosis and don't laugh SPM is that I am presenting well and don't really need to see her. Thats because I ask and answer all my own questions. This week I shall ask about me letting go and why I struggle. I think I have not been dealing with the issue at hand and that is me.
As for telling H about this site, I suppose it is to show him I care etc etc which I know is so wrong wrong wrong. He will know I care properly when I have let go.
"oh he really wants me and blah blah blah" is you living in his head.
Ha Ha SPM you are funny. It makes me feel wanted i suppose.
You are definitely right about getting out an doing stuff. SOMETIMES I want to just to wallow. Not healthy, not helpful and very pathetic.
Just got home from the movies with girlfriends. Saw Road to Radinvich ( or something like that ) Chick flick about second chances. Not good for anyone Dbing however it was an escape. And after that escape which is now ,I feel a little better .... if he wants someone else, then too bad for me, go enjoy, your loss, blah blah blah.
Tomorrow though is Sunday and the hardest day for me. I have to get out of this house, when this house needs a s*&^ load of attention.
Yet I have a solution , i will pay someone to come and clean it this week! Takes the pressure off at least something.
Hang in with me.
To answer questions . Yes i see C every week. Her diagnosis and don't laugh SPM is that I am presenting well and don't really need to see her. Thats because I ask and answer all my own questions. This week I shall ask about me letting go and why I struggle. I think I have not been dealing with the issue at hand and that is me.
As for telling H about this site, I suppose it is to show him I care etc etc which I know is so wrong wrong wrong. He will know I care properly when I have let go.
I like the idea of paying someone to clean the house! That sounds good for you!
Glad to hear you are sticking with the counseling. Be careful of finding a counselor who just makes you feel good. That part is good, but at some point you need someone to also challenge you, to push you out of your comfort zone.
Here we are Sunday morning. I have to plan it out so i am not sitting around and so the day goes faster.
I woke feeling ok but it did not take long to fall miserable. Wish he would ring me or text or something. It would be a reaching out , a small sign that what I am doing is at least working from Db perspective.
Although at this stage it is me that I am trying to get on to stronger ground.
It has been 2 weeks now. When I saw him last Tuesday he handed me a piece of paper and he was shaking - real bad. Is that A good sign that he is feeling something. I was trying to think when i shake, it is generally nerves and adrenalin rush.
Any thoughts )( I know KOOHH )But any thoughts......
Yes again and again. I am sitting here blubbering. I wish I hated him. Surely you went through this when your W really rejected you. You have spoken before of her A and felt the need to be physically sick.
i know you are right. I just want to feel sad. I am so weak
Yes again and again. I am sitting here blubbering. I wish I hated him. Surely you went through this when your W really rejected you. You have spoken before of her A and felt the need to be physically sick.
i know you are right. I just want to feel sad. I am so weak
Go for a walk. Right now. even if you blubber during it. Walk.
Got rid of leaves in the driveway instead. H text D18 to tell her he was coming around to pick up lawn mower and trailer. Giving me the heads up I requested.
I decided to continue working on the driveway. He arrived. Did not acknowledge me at all. Seemed annoyed. He was dressed well making me think he had come from a night out. He went inside and spoke to kids and came back out as I was pulling up the bin.
He asked for a cheque to pay a bill with and went on to explain what remained to paid from a project we are finishing. I responded minimally. He did not look me in the eye. He has lost lots of weight.
i know i should get out of his head but it is like I try to find reasons for behaviors that make me feel good.
1. He has lost lots of weight, was not very friendly ( trying to stay on top )and had good clothes on hoping I would be here. My favorite
2. He has come from her place and was annoyed because he did not want to see me, had good clothes on because he had been out last night and had not gone home. He needed to use my lawn mower because he had not been to his place to get his mothers. My least favorite
I have to tell myself I do not care !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you stop thinking about someone and stop torturing yourself. I know what I have to do, i just cant seem to do it. Am i expecting to much to soon. It has only been 2 weeks since I had news of OW.
Can anyone give me a timeline, a list of stages I am going through.
I did end up going for a walk and it was relief. I know what i have to do ! Just need some help getting there. I am driving myself insane.
Monday and i feel a little stronger. In my heart of hearts I have hope for reconcilliation and am worried that this will stop me progressing through this horrible stage.
The mind is a terrible thing if left to run wild. I always think the worst at the moment. I never used to be like this.
They tell me it is normal and I will get through. Wish there was a book chaptering the stages.
