Where there is sadness, joy

[redhottie]

I am sitting here, thinking about everything I have accomplished in the last year. I have made great strides in my career, with my daughters, and gained ALOT of new friends

And yet my heart is still broken. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I can't breath, and I wonder if I am ever going to get my heart back.

Still, part of me does not want it back. I vowed to love this man until death do us part. I cannot be the one to end it, and have come to terms with that. But part of me wishes he would just end it, and finalize.

Of course, I don't know that it would do much good. A piece of paper is not going to change anything. And somewhere, deep down in side, I really believe he still loves me.

I just really hope I am not in denial.

I could have written this myself Lola. My T told me last week that I'm not the same person I was last year. That is a good thing. I can tell from your post that you have improved too. I know what our H's are doing to us sucks, but we will emerge stronger.