Another wife hit by the bomb #3

[Tawnya]

Ok..well another banner day in the house today

Today I worked, got home at around 5:15 and hub was home..I was shocked..I thought, whoa is he home? So I walk in and say "I don't know if you have plans or not, but.." and then I notice he's not in work clothes, so he obviously has plans and then he tells me that he does and I said, "oh, I was just going to say son has been wanting to go eat at this restaurant with you and I thought you could do that if you were home" and he was like "I'll do it with him tomorrow"..ok..I say..and then I get MAD..LOL..just MAD MAD MAD..hub goes "what are you so upset about" and I said "you'd be upset too if your wife was going out on a DATE" and he's like "it's not a date"..and I was like "whatever"..

So anyway, we proceed to get into it..I'm totally in the wrong for sure and I'm well aware that the 2 x 4's should be coming fast and furious..I'm tweaked and I let it show..the bad side of me for sure..the old me has not died yet So he says, "this is what I expect out of you"..I was like "well thanks..glad your expectations are so low", etc..that's basically how it goes..

So..dun dun dun..bomb drop, he says "I'm going to see my lawyer on Monday"..I was like "oh really..just last week when we talked, you hadn't gotten one" and I asked "what did you do, get one on our anniversary last Wed?" and he said "no Friday" and I said that I appreciated at least a day in between (LOL..sarcasm was working there..I know I know)..so I said..ok..well I want you to know that we want to stay in this house if at all possible and he is like well I pay my part of what I owe for child support and that's it.. (when we're divorced, not separated) and I was like "I think you'll be paying a big share if I'm not mistaken because I think they take into account what you make vs what I make vs who has custody and the time they have it *like 75/25 or something" tho I really have no clue and you guys could clue me in on this.

I told hub that I knew of people (from this site) whose spouses had left and they could barely afford to live because of having to swing 2 places to live..and he was like "don't try to trap me" and I said "dude, I'm not trapping you, I'm giving you some reality there"..and he said "well I guess I'll find out on Monday" and I said "I guess so"..

So in between that, he talks about how much he just wants OUT and wants to be f'ing gone, blah blah, all while our 12 yo son is 2 rooms away..I know he's had to have heard something, besides the fact of wondering why dad's been sleeping on the couch downstairs for the past few weeks.

So..son comes out to get dinner, after dad and I are done, and dad is getting ready to leave..I asked him what he heard, and he said "not much, but some"..so..we end up sitting down and I basically told him where his dad was at..nothing about my son or my daughter, that he was unhappy with himself and with me and thinks he wants "out" of being married and may be moving out at some point. My son..God bless him, at first cried, as to be expected, and then got MAD MAD at his dad and was like "How could he do this to us? I always respected him"..I told him he should still respect his dad because his dad was just hurting and going thru something and not really acting like himself..

Then my son got MAD for ME..he said "mom, if he wants to go, let him, you deserve better than that"..that touched my heart..and then he said "you know what, we'll be totally fine" and then my WISE WISE 12 year old son said "maybe it'll be better cause dad has a lot of baggage"..no joke my 12 year old can see that this man has baggage..man they are so wise beyond their years..and then we talked about the fact that is why he needs to, as soon as he can, forgive his dad because I didn't want my son to end up like that..bitter and angry and unforgiving..because my son is not that way by nature, he is more like me..he couldn't believe some of the things his dad had said to me and said he was acting crummy to say them to me..LOL

We decided he would let his dad tell him himself vs me telling him that my son and I had already talked..my son said "I want him to tell me" and I told him to be totally honest with his dad whenever he told him, if he was angry, sad, mad, whatever..to tell him..

For my son to say that I deserved better really hit me and I think somehow helped me detach a bit more from my hub today..I can't explain it, but I think I was so worried about trying to protect the kids from getting hurt that I was still hanging on for that reason..but now..knowing that my son thinks we'll be ok because, in reality, hub was never a super duper hands on dad, a good dad, but not a super/go throw the football/spend tons of time together, dad..so in a way my son will not be as devastated as he could be.

I told my son that I believed things could turn around and that I believed that marriage should be for life and I was believing for the marriage/family to be saved..I do have to say tho that he got me thinking, like I think Amy and Tom talked about a while back, about the unequally yoked thing..

Sigh..it turned out to be a really good convo because my son and I always get along really well and I feel better with the truth being out there. He will come to me and tell me if he's upset or scared or mad..we've always had that kind of relationship...

What a day! LOL..but we ended it well..went to blockbuster to get yet another game..Call of Duty (whatever number we are up to now...) and then went to Starbucks and got a yummy carmel apple cider and some lemon pound cake..I had been really good, but figured what the heck..LOL..son got his favorite chai tea latte and some pound cake..so we had fun and laughed some..so it ended well

Tawnya