Ima, we need to talk more. I am going to get to bed but I need to go over your sitch over the past week a lot more closely. But one thing, I see more and more of your Ws personality and that of my W (ex). I still believe they will come full circle, hopefully healing in the meantime and not just sweeping it under the carpet.
Nite.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Last night I went to a Junior A hockey game with the kids and W. It was an event that was sponsored by the school.
It was a good night. It was nice to be out as a family. W sat at one end and I sat on the other with the kids in the middle. However, W spent half the night leaning across the kids so she could talk to me.
It as the same old thing. She was miserable when she got there. She even apologized to the kids for being short with them. But after a while I had her smiling and laughing.
Today I was out with S9 and I was talking to him about how he should be nice to his mother because she is having a hard time and is stressed because she can't find a job. I then asked him "Does Mommy seem happy?" His reply was "No not really" I then told him that it's because she can't find a job.
I also took the opportunity to ask him if W and OW argue. He said yes, every couple of months. He has no concept of time like that so I have no idea how much they argue. OW also gets back from work when it is almost time for the kids to go to bed. I would also hope that if they were going to argue they would not do it in front of the kids plus W only has the kids 1/2 the time. Therefore, they could be arguing more than he realizes or I could be just grasping at straws here.
I didn't want to push it any more so I dropped it. Although, I now know that W is not happy when she is at home and that her and OW argue. However, when she is around me, she usually ends up smiling and laughing and we had maybe 2 or 3 arguments in almost 15 years.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I am doing pretty good these days. I feel myself getting stronger and at the same time more focused. I believe more than ever that our future is good. I also realize that I have to continue to be patient.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I was thinking about the hockey game we went to the other day. We ended up sitting next to S9s teacher and her family. It was interesting that W latched on to her 2 year old son and was all over this kid. I really felt like saying to her "If you came home we could have another one of those" but of course I didn't.
W was here to drop off the kids today. S9 was out with a friend and I was going to take D6 to see a movie. I decided that since we have been getting along so well, I would ask W to come along with us to see the movie. I also wanted to give a hint that I was still interested. I was sure that she would say no but I didn't see any downside so I did it.
She did of course say no. Very quickly actually. Like a knee jerk reaction. It was kind of weird. I asked her if she was sure and told her she was more than welcome but she still said no so I dropped it.
We ended talking about a few other things and then she left. It wasn't awkward at all so I don't know what to read in to her reaction, if anything at all. Could of been any number of things. I'm not going to worry about it.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
It was interesting that W latched on to her 2 year old son and was all over this kid. I really felt like saying to her "If you came home we could have another one of those" but of course I didn't.
Hi, Imageer, You just made me laugh out loud! My H and I don't have kids, primarily due to my feelings about the prospect (kids scare me! Although I like babies...as long as they are happy!). I was asked shortly after the bomb whether I thought my H had gotten involved with someone else (much younger) because he wanted kids, but I explained that every time we had ever discussed it, he had been pretty neutral about the issue, and had NEVER indicated that he really wanted them, and in fact, had said (maybe 6 months before OW came onto scene) that he wouldn't want to have them now, given that he is in his mid-40s, and really isn't keen on the whole paying-for-college-while-he's-retirement-age thing. So no, I don't think that's why. Although I think OW does want them. I keep expecting her to turn up pregnant one of these days.
Anyway, sorry, I'm really bad about hijacking, but you sound like you're doing well! I have been impressed with your superhero DB skills! Yes, patience x 1000000....
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I had an interesting conversation with W the other day about the holidays.
Last year for Christmas W was suppose to have the kids however, her friends invited her to go away with them so she ditched the kids for Christmas. She didn't even call them until the 27th. It was a clear sign of how messed up she is.
A few months ago, she said to me that she didn't have them last year, so she wanted them this year. I agreed even though I didn't want to. I'd rather have the kids for Christmas but at the same time, I took this to be a positive action on her part.
I have been asked lately by my family what is happening for Christmas so I called W to find out what her plans were. I told her that I would like to have them for part of the day and that I would like them for Christmas Eve both for family functions.
She quickly said that she didn't have any plans and that I should just have them for the whole day on Christmas and she would celebrate Christmas with them on Boxing Day.
So once again she has abandoned the kids for Christmas. Although, I wonder how much guilt and not having a job or money are factoring in to this.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I had to ask my W to watch my kids tonight (It's my week) because I am really busy at work and I had to stay late. I'm still here actually.
She agree. In itself, that is a step forward. Normally when I ask her she always has an excuse why she can't.
Anyway, she is watching the kids and a little while ago I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny if she called to check and see if I was really working or if I had used working as an excuse and was really doing something else. I didn't really think she would do that though.
However, sure enough, she called me about a half hour ago to tell me something that the kids had told her. We chatted for a bit and then she wanted to go.
Did she really need to call me at 9:30 or was she checking up on me? Hmmmmm.......
On another note, Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
My H and I don't have kids, primarily due to my feelings about the prospect (kids scare me! Although I like babies...as long as they are happy!). I was asked shortly after the bomb whether I thought my H had gotten involved with someone else (much younger) because he wanted kids, but I explained that every time we had ever discussed it, he had been pretty neutral about the issue, and had NEVER indicated that he really wanted them, and in fact, had said (maybe 6 months before OW came onto scene) that he wouldn't want to have them now, given that he is in his mid-40s, and really isn't keen on the whole paying-for-college-while-he's-retirement-age thing. So no, I don't think that's why. Although I think OW does want them. 
I keep expecting her to turn up pregnant one of these days. 
Yes, patience x 1000000....