Yep, he is broken, confused, twisting in the wind, etc etc...
We went out and raked leaves together while the kids played outside, he was teasing me like the old days. I suck at raking and he said something like, "Nice job, rain man..." Lately if I was messing something up he would get all mad looking and say, "Just forget it, you aren't helping...." But today he was joky and sarcastic which is how we always flirted with each other...
However, I am still thinking he doesn't want to be with me. Last night was night #8 on the couch. Again this morning he said, I just fell asleep watching TV, it wasn't intentional....but come on, 8 days is no accident.......
I said something this morning, only half-seriously, about how we should go shopping for the kids tonight (Christmas) and send them to my mom's. Then when I was putting out steaks for supper I said, "I have been craving steak, so I am putting out steaks--or you could take me out for dinner!", again in a joking way.
But as H left to dump the leaves at MIL/FIL farm, he said, "I will be back in a bit, why don't you see if your parents want the kids tonight". So I called them, they are taking the kids, but I don't know specifically what we will be doing. How do you dress for an 'I want a divorce' evening? I already know the answer, look as hot as possible, why not?
I know he has NFC (no f'in clue) disease...I think it throws him every time we have a nice time, like today...it makes him question why we can't be like this all the time, then he does something to try and make old bbj come out so he can prove that we can't always be happy....hope that made sense...
Anyway I have finally come to accept that I cannot change him, I can only change myself. I cannot save him, fix him, persuade him, make him stay. I can only be me and roll with whatever happens. I know I did absolutely all within my power to make our M work, so I can be at peace about that. Anyway, I am just going to follow his lead and see what happens. I am planning NOTHING for this evening, he said to ask my parents to watch the kids, so I will let him determine the rest...(old BBJ would try to plan something fun/exciting/romantic if we had a babysitter, to WOO him, but it isn't my job to WOO at this point...)
I already know the answer, look as hot as possible, why not? 