I'm completely lost

[Trying2live]

I understand and hear what your saying, but guilt leaves you in a "past" mode. You have got to get to a future and forward view mode if that makes sense.

No one can walk forward looking back. Guilt is not productive. Remorse or repentance is yes. I am assuming you have apologized to your spouse as well correct.

I don't believe that forgiveness makes you let go. In fact it will give you ability to move forward to try to recover the marriage with more freedom. Guilt paralyzes you and that's not forward momentum. You sounded like to me you wanted and had the desire to move forward with your spouse and that you wanted the marriage. Do you still want the marriage?

Yes Infidelity is damaging to the soul. But ya know what I have found that most people are forgiving in nature and no one is perfect. We make bad decisions all day long, but only choose to punish ourselves over certain ones, why?

I can make a bad decision to over eat, but not twice, or a bad decision with a friendship or something I say but I don't condemn myself over it. This is really no different. Truly, forgive yourself so you can get to work, if you so choose you still want the marriage.

Get the book I recommended if it's still in your heart to reconcile the marriage.