trying to be patient and strong 8

[yenko69]

I mentioned the new doctor a month or so later and he yells at me for an hour or 2 about how I never told him about that.

Hang up or tell him to leave. You don't need to listen to him treating you this way. My W had a problem with this until she met me. Her xh sometimes used to do the same thing. Don't play the game.

He also went for full custody right up to the last hearing. Then told the judge he just did it to hurt my W and did not want custody. Just a thought. Take care.

[karen43]

Hang up or tell him to leave. You don't need to listen to him treating you this way. My W had a problem with this until she met me. Her xh sometimes used to do the same thing. Don't play the game.

He also went for full custody right up to the last hearing. Then told the judge he just did it to hurt my W and did not want custody. Just a thought. Take care.

Thanks Yenko! I know I should have done that, we were at a track meet of D8's though watching her race and even if I walked 10 feet away or something, maybe that would have worked. I won't allow that again. I used to sit there and take it every time, but I have gotten much better about that. Still working on perfecting that though!

My L, the kids' and my C, and I think H is just pushing for full custody so he won't have to pay me child support. He doesn't follow through with his actions though. He likes having a busy single life and vacationing with OW. I don't think he's really thought or even understands what life would be like if he did get full custody and put them in public school. When my son was in school before I was tutoring him 10 to 20 hours a week, and D8 has the same issues. I think he's a great dad for the 10 hours or so he puts into them, but it's much different when you're the primary caretaker of course!!!
Karen

[hoosiermama]

This is the 2nd time he's played dumb about health stuff re: the kids. I had several arguments with him about switching their doctor to one in my town (since I'm the one that takes them it makes sense to me). I mentioned the new doctor a month or so later and he yells at me for an hour or 2 about how I never told him about that. (I had even had a discussion with my C about our fights over that and she confirmed that or I would think I was crazy or something.

I'm guessing he is making this crap up so he can say I'm not keeping him fully informed and input on the kids' health stuff and he has to make up lies about me to do that.

Karen--

You can't let him do this! It's bad for your mental health and your self-image. If he starts yelling, give him one more chance to speak with you calmly and respectfully about your children (yes, tell him this) and if he can't do that, then tell him you're ending the conversation. Then do so. You're empowering him to be verbally and emotionally abusive, and inviting yourself to feel like a doormat. Neither will get you anything positive.

You can't reason with him when he's like this. You may decide simply to have email conversations to convey information.

[hoosiermama]

H is just pushing for full custody so he won't have to pay me child support. He doesn't follow through with his actions though. He likes having a busy single life and vacationing with OW. I don't think he's really thought or even understands what life would be like if he did get full custody and put them in public school. I think he's a great dad for the 10 hours or so he puts into them, but it's much different when you're the primary caretaker of course!!!

Karen--I could have written the same thing, exactly. I think we need to protect our kids from that kind of thing, as well as the decreased standard of living (and eating!) they will have when they're with us, without child support. For me, I know that if H does end up with 50/50 custody as he wants, he'll be calling me several times a week to get me to have D for extra time because he's busy.

I won't allow that again. I used to sit there and take it every time, but I have gotten much better about that. Still working on perfecting that though!

Good for you.

[karen43]

H just came to pick up the kids for their overnight tonight. Doesn't say hello to me or the kids when he comes, made several grumpy comments and then left. Looked gray again like he does lately. I felt not really anything, just thought to myself what a grumpy guy he is, not like I used to wondering if I had done something or whatever. I didn't let it bother me at all. Just maybe relief he's out of my life? Karen

[Sugar and Spice]

H just came to pick up the kids for their overnight tonight. Doesn't say hello to me or the kids when he comes, made several grumpy comments and then left. Looked gray again like he does lately. I felt not really anything, just thought to myself what a grumpy guy he is, not like I used to wondering if I had done something or whatever. I didn't let it bother me at all. Just maybe relief he's out of my life? Karen

Maybe its also that you can look at his actions from a more detached point of view and see the toll his choices/actions are taking on him. Hes not with you anymore and w/ OW which was supposed to make him happy and able to live the "fantasy" right? Well if thats true, why is he grumpy and gray? Because he is learning that the grass isn't greener and the consequences of his actions are more than he bargained for.

I'm glad that you no longer wonder what it is that you had/hadn't done and realized that his moods are his problem. Its kinda nice to get to that place. I did the same thing for a long time and now if H is mad/grumpy/whiny, etc...I know that it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with me and I have stopped trying to make it about me. Its pretty liberating for me.

You are an awesome mom and wonderful woman. Keep moving forward.

[Yoyowife]

Karen,
Your H keeps on showing his true colors, doesn't he? He is so full of arrogance. I bet if you looked the word up in a dictionary his picure would be beside it. Ugggghhhhh! He thinks since he is a lawyer he can pull the wool over your eyes. Surprise him and let your L fight fire with fire!

I know it is so hard to go against someone that you have loved and shared so much with. Just think of it this way, he is no longer that person. He has been replaced by a f***tard! Protect yourself and your children. He only has his own greedy interest in mind!

[Sugar and Spice]

Yep, I'm with Yoyo, hes a F*cktard alright. No news there.

Karen, do you clear out your sent items in your email? Some of the exchanges between the two of you could still be there if you are like me and NEVER clear them out. Just a thought.

[kat727]

That is so true. I have every email exchange between myself and flirt guy. I hope you do.

kat

[karen43]

No unfortunately my emails (sent, old, and new) only stay in there for one month and then I guess there's an automatic delete. I have to put them in the saved file to keep them. He probably emails me 2 or 3 dozen times a week, and me almost that much, but not quite as much since I try to just respond re: the kids bills, but not always perfect about that!

I had bible study tonight. Came home a little after 8 and H was friendly. Was checking me out, guess he wanted to see if I was having a nervous breakdown or whatever with the upcoming L stuff. I looked good though, hair done, makeup, nice outfit, etc. Smiled and said hi, but not overly friendly or anything. Then I went to walk the dog and H came out and wanted to talk about the bills or something. Asked me some ?s about the dr. stuff again, and bills. He left an extra $100 this week and told me to use for the copays, D8's dance stuff, etc. Was very nice. I'm horrible that I get suspicious when he acts nice. Shouldn't do that I guess. I left him 1st and walked the dog as per DB policy.

After he left, D8 (she's a better talker than me or worse however you look at that) told me that H asked where I was tonight, and she told him she thought I was at Bible Study. Dern. That's not very mysterious. Oh, well. Thought it was interesting he was asking....Maybe he thought if it was a date, he could use it as ammo or something??? Karen