Things my heart still needs to know... (#47)

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, Kalni,
I don't think I've posted to you before (I normally hang out strictly in the MLC forum), and I know you've progressed a lot farther along the R path here than I have, but I thought I might have a little bit of insight to offer you.

You posted something a few days ago along the lines of "I asked him, 'Why don't you plan for more time for us to spend together?'" I think you will get better results if, instead of saying things like, "Why didn't you _____?" (criticizing, blaming), you say, "I would like it if we could have a date night once a week," or whatever it is that you WANT. And be specific. "More time together" is too general--he doesn't know if that means you want to see him for an hour every day, or spend every Saturday together all day--and do you want it to be with the kids or just as a couple? Do you want him to wine and dine you, or is talking more important? I don't mean that you have to spell out EVERY detail--give the guy a little latitude!--but ask for what you WANT, and explain what that means to you.

The corollary is that I get the impression that you are not 100% sure right now exactly WHAT you want from him...so if that is true, you need to figure that out, and in the meantime, explain what you are and aren't sure of.

I hope that helps you a bit! If it does, great! If not, feel free to ignore. I will check back--I want to see your sitch blossom into a success story!

Peace and blessings,
Dawn