I may be the last person on the planet you should listen to, and, of course, free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it...
I'm an LB (Actually I was forcibly removed. "Atypical WAW" is my home thread.) just now seeing some movement with a ray or two of hope.
I believe that you're wrong.
Sorry about being blunt.
Stop caring about her behavior and controlling it, or even complaining about it much. You can't control her behavior. Resolve right here right now that you're going to control what you can and know the difference between what you can and can't control. Use the _Serenity Pray_: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
It's called "Serenity" not because your life will be serene, but rather that you will become serene. Select for your life the credo, "I take the high road." Live the credo. Resolve that you'll take no action that causes harm or distress to others. Forsake revenge with a vengeance.
Let me apply it to some of your tribulations...
If she calls, answer or return the call later. If she texts, answer or return the text later. If she needs something and you can give it easily, give it. If she hurt you yet more or yet again, don't get angry; don't let her win. You control you. Don't let her control you.
When I had to go to Court to get life-preserving chemotherapy from my own house and W was finally forced to give it to me, I said thank you, and graciously.
When she demanded the house, the cars, the bank account, and my life savings, I said, "OK, but only if I get what I want, reconciliation."
When she falsely claimed in a petition to the Court that I abused our sons physically so she could have the house to herself, I did a 180. I agreed to give her the possession of the house.
When she made paranoid claims that I was hiring teenagers who work for me to dent up her truck, I sent a letter to everyone in the company and to her lawyer, stating that anyone who has any unwanted contact with my family would be fired and that I would fully support prosecution of any vandalism.
Extend it...
When someone cuts you off in traffic, don't get angry. Just slow down to create assured distance. When you can follow up with a friendly wave to say, "No hard feelings", you've won.
When a service representative can't speak well enough to be understood, slow down and listen as hard as you can. When you can complete the call and accomplish your goal, you've won.
When you encounter OM on the street, be civil and polite (albeit brief). If you can, you've won.
When you can go to sleep knowing that the FOREVER children, will always remember a father of serenity, your children have won.
When you know the difference between the high road and the low road, and when you take the high road every time, you've won.
Now what is it you've won? I hope you can understand the simple answer is serenity.
Now is that a prize worth winning? You better believe it. You'll be happier. Those around will seem to catch serenity like a bad flu bug. They'll be happy. And if W sees a happy place with happy people, you might just find that the universe awards you as well with a complete family again, replete with serenity forever--just because you, in the darkest chapter of your life, chose against the odds and against the grain and against the very expectations of the one creating the darkness, the high road.
I wish you everything you want. You certainly deserve happiness.
