Ok first things first, right now this minute, forgive yourself if you haven't done so already. Now just because your H may not forgive you does not mean you don't deserve it. You can't effectively move forward if you hold this against yourself. So you made a mistake, who hasn't, your human and so is your H and I am sure he hasn't been perfect his whole life.
Now as far as I can hear there must have been a dynamic in the marriage that caused you to go outside the marriage. I am in no way condoning the A as there are always other ways to deal with things.
For now disregard the comments of hate your H has. He says he may hate you but that could be just pain talking or testosterone. He may feel like a failure as a man and has self hatred coming out toward you, make sense. Either way, let it roll off. Be as caring as you can but don't let it hurt you if you can. And for someone to hates you so bad it's funny that he moved back in don't you think?
I am glad you are posting here that means you want to give this marriage another shot. I think you can still fix this.
You say you want to know what to do and what your H needs. Can you go get the book Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley. This book is entirely devoted to affair recovery. I am using it now and am blown away at the progress. This book is going to show you exactly what you H needs. It explains the 10 emotional needs of humans and will have you find out your spouses top 5 and that's where your going to begin. If your serious go get the book NOW! Don't wait for more damage to be done. Got as fast as you can. your going to know exactly what to do.
Find me on my thread if you need anything else, I don't usually go outside of it very often, my thread is Trying2Live-New Post #5.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
