PM Thread #2

[Trying2live]

Hi there was just reading your thread. You mention how to know when to throw in the towel and that's a really hard decision. It's a personal one that only you can answer. Tell only those who support what you are trying to do.

As much as I have read, and its quite a bit, I learned that really no long term decisions should be made for at least 1 year. Of course if there is a dangerous situation or you need to file a SA to secure finances for you and you children that's different.

After I found out I went up and down on what I wanted to do. I really think I changed my mind daily. LOL

But my DS10 was so upset at the thought of divorce that I held on longer each day. I GAL'ed really hard and started salsa lessons, looked at what my H complained about and did 180's.

On October 3rd I implemented a recovery Plan for infidelity I found through and amazing book. Its called Surviving An Affair by Dr. Willard Harley. Its so interesting, it explains the addictions of infidelity and gives a clear plan to recover.

The 1st 5 months my H was a raging NUT! Accusing me of all kinds of crap. He lost all rational thinking and I even think he lived in his car for a month during the summer to be near OW. He has lived with OW since August.

But guess what I implemented the plan from this book along with GAL'ing and 180'ing and now for the last 6 weeks he has been here visiting several times a week, he has stayed the night 2 times, he cheated on the OW with me every time he's here and now is lying to her, and we even talk about the future. Of course there are 2 parts to recovery in the book but you could have never told me this would be happening now.

I think its awesome you are GAL'ing. Its so important. That's awesome you are investing in yourself like that! It helps to get your mind off of the situation for a bit.

My H took all of us for granted before the affair, but during the 1st five month we rarely spoke to him because he was crazy(fog). I think it was necessary so he could appreciate all of us. Now guess what for the 1st time in 20 years I finally feel like he appreciates us. I think a person needs to get to the absolute bottom to see whats important. Expect irrational and insanity and nonsense. They are in the fog and that's all your going to get for now. If you keep having expectations it's only going to hurt you and if you keep getting hurt at some point it wont matter if H comes home because you won't want the marriage so try and protect your heart.

Yes you deserve much, but don't let that be the reason you go to find it, if that makes sense.

What I have decided for my self is hey I can be all my kids need right now. It wont be forever and I don't want to complicate it with another guy. I want to be where I am totally completely confident and content all by my lil old self until I would even consider finding anyone. Right now its the 1st time in most of my life that I'm single(I married my 8th grade boyfriend) and its ok and I am kinda enjoying it. Yes I am still fighting for my marriage but I don't need my H by my side to feel complete and it feels really good.

Anyways don't always get out of my thread, stop by anytime its Trying2Live-New Post #5. consider the book i mentioned too.