First, I am glade you kept your appointment with the C. If I understand correctly H did not show for this one. You did talk to him today and he said he was on board. OK! Now your plan is sound and will work if he is really on board.
Your conversation with C, sound very similar to a couple of talks I had with my C. My C told me in her 30 years of experience when a W walks away form a marriage of our length (33 yrs) usually will not come back. She (C) gave a 10% chance to turn this around. I figured 10 % is better than none. So I started working on my own. That is when I came here. I read DB/DR and Men or from Mars and Woman are from Venus. I read books on setting boundaries, and lesson to Dr. Pills book Relationship Rescue. I read everything I could find on the Internet that would help me figure out what and how to make corrections. Then about a month ago my C, my family, and friends all told me that it was over and I should give up and move on and start another life. This was the lowest point for me. I almost gave into everyone's opinion. Then I woke up one morning and decide WTF am I doing. I love my W and I am not ready to give up. I decided that I was going to do it on my own no mater what everyone around me was saying. None of these people have as much invested into my R/M as I do. They are not going to loose what I am going to loose.
I told C and my family. OK I do not care what you think or say. I am going to save my M/R. I stand alone on this matter. I used my knowledge of my W and our M and my gut feelings to start working on a plan. And you know what I have made more progress in the last 3 weeks than I have in 5 months. I will admit I use the C to fix my problems. She (C) helped me get to this point of feeling good about myself. Which helped me with my plan of action.
After these last two weekends everyone is totally surprised what progress W and I have made. C is now helping figure out what the W is doing and possibly the next move I should make. But I the long run it was me that the deference in how W is reacting to my and is having second thoughts about what she is doing. I am not fooling myself. We are not out of the woods yet, W has agreed to date, and at least consider see her C and maybe MC. We have two great weekends and have plans to spend next weekend and Thanksgiving holidays together. Now that is progress.
I spent this time telling you this because for me it worked. I used my gut feelings and my personal knowledge of my wife to set the pass. You can do the same thing. You may feel that you are standing alone. If you do so be it. Only a person that is dedicated to an idea or a cause will be successful. Everyone will give up because they do not believe in what they are doing. YOU DO. You are the only one in our sitch including H. You will make it happen. You are the only one that can. After 2 years you would think it would be easer, but it is not going to be.
The first step will be to develop a friendship with H. Then move to a friendlier, than light dating and then heavy dating, romantic affair and finally R/M this will take time. It can be expedited in some places, because H buttons. You are looking for the right buttons.
For the OW, I have read that it may be a good I idea to just ignore her. Take her out of the equation. You know H better than she does. You know what he likes etc. Forget about her right now. Besides H is the one that has to forget OW and give her up for you. You are a much better catch than she will ever be.
Yes I have par a few holes, but a few hole do not make a good game. But my score is getting better each time. Yours will too. Hang in there. KEEP SWING. You are standing alone. I am here. Together we will take first place in our respect games.
