I'm a little worried about my glass-chewing L though. She sends nasty emails and letters to H's L, she's equal-opportunity rude to everyone I think. Do you think I should say something to her Monday reminding her I have to have an R with him for the next 9 years so would appreciate a fairly civil tone if possible? It's tough b/c I know my H is kind of the same personality as my L so don't want her to go too soft, but I don't think that's gonna be a problem! Any thoughts on this???? Karen
Karen, its possible that she is taking this route because she sees so clearly through the BS that H and his L are trying to feed to the court and its her way of letting them know shes not fooled and means business.
Originally Posted By: NoCodeBlues
But I will say that a very similar thought has played in my mind for some time now. Since the bomb I have recognized that my W had been pulling back from me mentally, emotionally and spiritually for quite some time prior, and that was the real sub-conscious source to my own depression. I have been thinking that maybe my depression was, if not an intentional outcome, then a welcome side-effect to her actions. In fact, the more paranoid thought is that she would have welcomed me becoming so deeply depressed that I would take myself out of the picture for her, through a nervous breakdown ...or worse.
But like you said, surely no one could be like that, right?
Karen and NoCode, I have had the same realizations about how things were going prior to the bomb and H leaving. I realize that he had been pulling back and gaslighting for A LOT longer than I was originally ready to recognize. I think that there was a part of him that wanted to keep me fat, depressed and unhappy so I wouldn't/couldn't leave. I do see now how he created situations in order to get his way or have an excuse to do what he wanted. I see it for what it is now and it doesn't work as well.
Its sad to see the peole we love(d) turn into something so ugly and mean.
Take care Karen, your H is a fool. He wouldn't know what to do with the kids if he got custody. DAFT...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Its sad to see the peole we love(d) turn into something so ugly and mean.
Take care Karen, your H is a fool. He wouldn't know what to do with the kids if he got custody. DAFT...
Grrr. speaking of ugly & mean....H today emails me: Apparently you arranged for the kids to get some therapy. What prompted this and what are they getting? I emailed back a reminder that we had discussed that via email 2 months ago, getting OT evals for the kids on the suggestion of their C. He said it was fine. It took me 2 months to get them into the doctor for the referral, and they are supposed to call me about setting up an eval time. (Maybe they called him instead?) I said I don't know anything more than I did 2 months ago, but would tell him when the eval date is and any possible therapy info I get.
This is the 2nd time he's played dumb about health stuff re: the kids. I had several arguments with him about switching their doctor to one in my town (since I'm the one that takes them it makes sense to me). I mentioned the new doctor a month or so later and he yells at me for an hour or 2 about how I never told him about that. (I had even had a discussion with my C about our fights over that and she confirmed that or I would think I was crazy or something.
I'm guessing he is making this crap up so he can say I'm not keeping him fully informed and input on the kids' health stuff and he has to make up lies about me to do that. Or my other option is that he is so disinterested when I tell him info about the kids or email him that he forgets about it as unimportant or something. Either way, great guy there.
I don't trust your H one bit.....I think he's out to screw you over. He seems to try to get you all riled up, too...and I think that is to get you going so he can justify his "crazy" label of you and maybe get you to have a nervous breakdown. I am glad you got a tough lawyer.....you need it against your H I think.
Karen I hope you are keeping the emails between you and H. These can clearly show that he is/was being kept informed. I believe you posted about his being mad about the Dr. thing too.
It sounds like your H is unwilling to this amicably at this point, so let your L handle it and keep away from him as much as possible.
So sorry it has to be like this.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Karen, I can so relate to what is going on with you and your H. I often wonder if my stbx really thinks what he accuses me of actually happened... Or, maybe he's trying to make me think I'm crazy... or.. drive me crazy! If nothing else, we KNOW that all of their bs, control, and finger-pointing make them feel justified in what they are doing.
The key, I think, and as damn hard as it is to do at times, is not to get drawn in to the bs. Eventually, and waiting is the hard part, the truth will prevail.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I agree Corey, I need to start saving the emails and will start doing that. I hadn't before b/c I really didn't see the whole "she's not telling me about health stuff" coming although I know I probably should have. So I will start saving them now, wish I had saved them before too!!! If nothing else, then when he pulls this stuff I can send him a copy to "refresh" his crappy memory. Although I'm really thinking it's not his memory, but a ploy to use against me.
Oddly enough I think H is losing it a lot more than me recently. I had a really good PMA today actually, feeling strong and confident and everything. I probably should be worried more than I am. But I kind of feel like everything will work out. Even if the court system in FL turns out to be awful enough to give H primary custody, I would expect that to last about one or 2 weeks tops before he would call me begging to take the kids!!! And the OW will probably force him to make that call too! :)And the kids would be in shock and freaking out too, asking why they can't see me. Karen
I am glad you got a tough lawyer.....you need it against your H I think.
Yep, I think you're right. I saw the L briefly today and I didn't mention anything about her acting nicely to H or any attempt to "leash" her, b/c of his recent behavior. Wish it didn't have to be this way, but hopefully over soon! Karen
