My Crazy mess, these are the days of my life!

[christarn]

VS,

I went to C without H. It went ok. We had a lengthy discussion regarding ways to move our R in a positive direction. I said I would like more communication and to start spending time together. She said we needed to set boundaries. She also recommended our first few times together be in short bursts...such as grabbing a couple of beers after work, that way, when we finish one, if things are going good and communication is good, we can have another...and so forth...if not...we can call it good. She also recommended fixing dinner together, this requires team work. To see how do working on a project together. Simple ideas, but it is a start.

I talked to her in depth about the phone call, and she asked me, how many ways does he have to tell you no before you would realize it was over. I said, he has yet to tell me it's over, so I am not going to believe it's over until I sign on the dotted line. I didn't really care for that comment. I asked her if she had ever heard of Michelle or any of her stuff ie. solution based therapy...she said no...GREAT (note sarcasm)! Hopefully she will read up, but it's highly doubtful. She seems to think H is not really into all of this and he has tried, and that should be good enough for me...I was like...uh..don't think so! He called me today and text me saying he was going to put forth an effort...and that is good enough for me, to put forth an effort and work on this. I believe in vows, I believe in love, and I believe in the sanctity of M...what part of that don't you get....I didn't say that to her...but wow did I want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She said H dances around questions, dances around whether he is dedicated to this for the "right" reasons, and she is not convinced. Here is my analysis: he is showing up, he is angry, this takes time....he needs time, time to relieve the anxiety and pain which he feels, and time to vent his frustrations...it's been 2 frekn years...can we have more than 2 sessions to decide if he is in this or not??? sorry venting just a little!!!!!!!!!!

So here is my plan: give H the weekend off...it's been a stressful week. call him on sunday, make a plan for the week, to include, one night which we will call and talk, and one night which we will see each other...either dinner or beers after work. Either is fine by me.

I called him after the C session to advise him of everything that was said, and to make sure he was onboard and to set up some type of boundaries. He is onboard. So far we have decided to talk on the phone a couple times per week, and during that time we will set up times to see each other. He was ok with all of that.

I asked the C about how to handle OW...her response..."again, how many ways does he have to show you 'no'" I said, again, how are we going to handle the OW, because no is not an option. If H didn't like this particular C...she would be "fired" (so picture donald trump saying...your fired) she said for now just ignore the OW, after a few sessions, and a few times of he and I spending time together we will re-visit the issue. Time will tell. I have to work on making her look like dog crap!!! Which I will!!!

so that's pretty much the nitty gritty!

I hate to rag on the C, she does well keep he and I focused and not being partial to either of us. I just wish she were more solution based. Not so, whatever you want to call her methods. She said if H were not so wishy-washy, she could come up with a better plan. Which I understand. This, I believe will come in time.

How are things in your world. I love the fact your W called you...holla!! you are swinging under par there buddy!!! maybe a birdie!!!??!!

Take care,
(((VS)))
Christa