Worse before Better?

[Sophie]

I used to be so suspicious and couldn't stand the thought of being cheated on again...as a teacher, I can't stand cheaters any way...

Then, after dropping the rope...GAL and 'as if'/'whatever'...I realize I am better off NOT knowing of any OW because then I can't be accused of acting out, in any way..., because of it.

Not sure if that makes sense.....

I think H wants me to go out in the teaching world and get a job. Which is insulting considering that I teach all day long online at home and make almost as much as I would at a local high school...especially if you consider that if I didn't work at home, we'd have to pay for before and after day care for 3 kids.

I have been a single...full time mom, work a full time job, for a little more than part time pay...I am a full time homemaker and have 1 1/2 acres to keep up. H left everything on my shoulders. I used to ask him to mow, since he bought a ride on mower for his rental...and all I have is a push mower. My yard has hills, his rental yard is flat. I got tired of asking...so I stopped and have been just 'doing it myself'....lately, my neighbor has been teaching S13 how to use the ride on mower and that helps.

I know I'm going on and on...but, I realize typing all this out will help me organize it in my head before I go to the lawyer....heck, I should print this and take it with me, huh?

What does DBing say I should do tomorrow when I have to be around H at a soccer game? My thought is to continue 'as if'....and keep my mouth shut.