Aiming for a new me 15

[MidwesternGirl]

I am so glad she is at home. And she will be so happy to see you, too.

[Maya44]

H is back to avoiding me, not responding, etc. Last week he was all about talking, etc but not now. I was detaching pretty well and I really need to get into it fully. I'm having a hard time comprehending how NC is helpful in a M.

[Andabelle]

Great news! Will she have to get a partial from where they removed her teeth?

NC gives him space to figure out you're not really the problem (he can't keep blaming his misery on you if you're not around), also to miss you.

[Maya44]

Yep, she'll get implants in later. First they have to put the permanent plate in her jaw. I'm not sure when that will be, but they'll be taking a piece of her hip to do that.

I get the NC, but I don't get how it helps and only seems to make me more miserable.

[Andabelle]

I suck at NC myself. It is hard not knowing what they're thinking while you're dark.

[Maya44]

I see how the NC would help them realize it's not us that's causing their misery and they will tend to miss us, BUT I don't see how it will help connection in the M. Does that make sense?

Now I have a holiday party at work that's on 12/6. Should I be asking H to go as my guest? I bet that's too much pressure for the MLCer though.

[Andabelle]

It helps us to detach.

Don't ask!

[glamgirl]

The NC is for you to make yourself a better person and friend to your h. They will miss you and then when they are around you and they like the new you they will keep crawling back for more.

[SirPrizeMe]

Hey FG -
I agree with GG (And I usually do) - no contact is a way for you to pull yourself out of the panicy feeling, the negative downward spiral. Oh, he seems moody, oh, he just snapped at me, that reminds me of the time last month he was harsh with me, (worry worry), then I think I will snap back at him, etc etc.

Just do your thing and have fun doing it and recharge yourself. If he wants to reach out to you, he knows where to find you.

About the Holiday Party - I don't know enough about your husband and situation to offer an opinion on that. All I know is this week he is quieter than last week.

Maybe the right thing to do is make him aware of the party, but don't directly invite him. "The holiday part is the first week in December."

Keep in mind this is just a holiday party. It's not the end of the world if he decides not to go. It's not eternal bliss if he decides to go. It's just one party. You can hope he will want to go, but don't expect it, and be careful to not be too deflated if he doesn't want to. Just a party. You can have fun either way.

Take care FG!

[glamgirl]

I remember 2 Christmas's ago I invited h and at the last minute he declined. He was in a panic to be around people and with the holidays it was just too much for him to handle.

Today, I think my h could go. You could always say h would you like to atten my Christmas party with me. I would appreciate it if you could join me as my guest and then let him think about it.

SPrize is right it's only a party in the whole grand scheme of things.