Hi, I am your husband...not literally, metaphorically (had you for a minute didn't I).
I was absent the exact same way. I was completely clueless. I also became smothering when I realized my wife was preparing to walk (I snooped and found her plans written out). It was all going south until I read Divorce Busting. Could you perhaps suggest he read the book? One of the first things it says is to give your spouse space. The space hopefully clears the air a bit and then you can go from there.
You are here so you are not totally out the door yet. You will find a ton of support here. I cannot tell you how many people wish their spouses would have come here before walking away. Read up on smartcookie, you might find some perspective and comfort there.
If you want the dumb spouse perspective, I'm hear for you. When it comes to being dumb, I'm a genius.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
I didn't really TRY to let go of him. I just did. And I remember the very second it happened...I was home on New Years Eve and had a house full of kids (their friends were over for the occasion) H was at a friends house a couple miles away during the evening and decided not to come home. No phone call, no help with the kids, nothing...on New Year's Eve.
I remember the distinct thought in my head. WELL, I'M ALONE. I'M COMPLETELY ALONE. That's when I let go. All my dependence on him was out the door - never to return.
So then 2 years after that he realizes what he's done? too little, too late?
Yeah, I had a moment as clear as a bell, where I thought, I'm leaving him. No emotion. Just that one day, I was leaving. He floundered around doing things that weren't enough for me to care really...then he got sick. So I've had to cope with that. That process has changed things obviously. The scary part is now he's starting to get better! Aaaahhhh! Now what?? It's a cliffhanger.
holy crap - yeah you scared me a bit. I thought OMG! he found me here too!! tee hee....he's a snooper too. I've caught him snooping on my phone. not cool.
I would absolutely love a dumb spouse's perspective, because this blubbering idiot, smothering stuff, is sincerely driving me nuts. I told him today on the phone that if he doesn't give me space I'm going to create it and separate.
the kids are the reason i've stuck around too. but they see how much he's changed too and they've both told me it would be a relief not to have him around. (not those exact words) I called an attorney yesterday, but they haven't called back yet. That's how close I am.
I thought OMG! he found me here too!! tee hee....he's a snooper too. I've caught him snooping on my phone. not cool.
Do you know how to clear the cache on your computer and delete visits here from your history? Google it if you aren't sure. Better to delete just your visits here than the entire history if you know how.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
I'm hanging in here for a bit longer until my older kids go to college in about a year. unless he would do the filing. It would be nice if he would. Knowing him he will wait for me.
I don't talk to him anymore unless it's kids related issues.
uuuugghhhh..that can't be happy. I know God didn't put us here to be miserable people. I hope in all this crap, I learn what I'm supposed to be learning. I miss smiling and having a great time without having a 20 pound weight of doom around my shoulders.
