Ali and ITH, thank you for picking me up on that. You are right; he was the one that backed off from me. I lost sight of that and I was using it as an excuse to go down cheeseless tunnels with blaming myself, that stopped me moving forward for so long so thank you. Also, I never give myself permission to feel rubbish so thank you also for doing that, I do need to let myself grieve, I'm not super-human, and this hurts!
Ms M, your words always help me so much. You know, I am kind of turning it into a positive somehow too. Whilst obviously I did not want my marriage to end I can see that I wouldn't have grown so much without it happening. I love the changes and knowledge I have gained this year, I feel I have grown so much. It is also weird because although it was strange finding out my friend was pregnant but it also made me glad that I am not in that position yet. I am excited about what the next few years will hold and about exploring and finding out about me more. I know I will learn from this, I feel he may go on repeating the same mistakes.
Pisces, great to see you! I hadn't thought about it that way, that the down days make you appreciate the up days. That is such a great way of viewing things.
Dan, thank you.
(((guys))) your encouragement means so much. Knitting went well yesterday, it was a great tonic! I also told my sister the news and tears just welled up in her eyes for me. I was so touched that she felt so much for me to react like that. We just cried and hugged in the street - the first time I had properly cried over it.
Today I had to go to a funeral for my uncle (I didn't really know him so it wasn't that sad) but funerals are never nice. I did get to spend some quality time with my brother and Mum and Dad and my brother is always so funny that he is a good distraction.
I am feeling more positive today. My parents still have my wedding photos up, and I looked at them for the first time and felt different. I KNOW my h loved me very much, the pride shows all over his face. I will just try and remember that person. Weirdly, it was a bit like looking at two different people.
Sorry for the long rambling post! I'm being a bit introspective
