Take it one day at a time. That is how I had to do it. I was so nervous around my h when we started to reconnect and he was so nervous around me. It all takes time. I too had to let go of thinking about the ow. My h had to reassure me alot!
My h was with the ow over 2 years and she still pops in my head every once and a while. I guess that is pretty normal. It is a heck of alot less that I wasted my brain cells on her, thank goodness. Hang in there.
