Hey all....I started a thread in Newcomers and was told to find smartcookie, breakaway and whatdidido for advice and I see a couple here...so here was my post in Newcomers.
I echo that. Whatdidido's posts and threads will really be great for you to read if you have time. Well, my personal opinion (sorry for the hijack wdid!) which you can take or leave is that it sounds like you are still undecided. You must have at least a tiny bit of you wanting to give the marriage one more chance or you wouldn't be posting here.
Please try reading Divorce Remedy. What does it hurt to spend a couple days doing that before you file for D? Divorce is expensive and is not the perfect happy solution in any case I don't think.
I think you could also try to commit to getting MC again. I do think that both people should like or click with the therapist or it won't work well. My H and I went to an MC I hated, kind of military tough-guy therapist, and he kept going there for a little while for IC I think. I found a more sweet, motherly type IC which was perfect for me. Maybe you can find a therapist somewhat in the middle that you both like? I think liking and trusting your therapist is very important or it won't help.
I first of all believe that no marriage is ever 100% one person's fault. If you leave this M, you may get in another R and have the same kind of problems. I think that happens a lot. So no therapist should suggest a M is just one person's fault. When my H and attended MC when he was in law school, she had me working on being more positive and my H on trying to be more family-centered (rather than self-centered). She had us both working on areas realizing that we both had our issues to work on and so H or I didn't feel picked on or ganged up on or anything.
If you read DR and get some MC with a counselor you both like, and that doesn't help, then if you file for D in a few months, at least you will have the peace of knowing you did everything for your M that you possibly could. Karen
