It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

[quote=sadmilitarywife]


I know that this is hard, but sweetie, you have got to let go of things. I think that your anxiety and fear of him walking again is hurting you and your relationship with H. He is home. You have to walk in faith that he is there to stay. He says he is, you have to believe him and work on the areas that he needs to make him happy, comfortable, and welcome in his own home. It seems to me that he may still feel like an addendum to your life. (qoute)

Your right I need to find faith, sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees, KWIM.

1--Why does he have no life? Why does he have no friends? These almost tie together. What is he interested in, what does he like to do for fun. What activity could he develop that would allow him to enjoy life more and make some new friends?

[ I don't know why he feels he has no life. We have friends (couples) that we socialize together quite a bit sometimes just couples and sometimes with kids. The men get along but don't really "do" things together all that much. His work place is a commute from home and all the people he works with travel as he does so the time they spend together is disjointed and not consistent. I have encouraged him to play golf with the guys..Here is his catch 22 because he is gone so much he feels guilty about doing things without me. In the past, I have helped him feel that way but that was one of the things that I have strived to change and he notices that. He sounds (seems) depressed to me... with what he saying he feels like.


I have a suggestion. You have a 14 y/o son. Is he interested in cars? My DH and his dad formed an amazing bond when they both got involved in racing RC cars when DH was about the same age as your son. Your son is at an age that building a strong relationship with his father will be critical to his adult life and relationships. It will also allow them both to enjoy time together.

Funny you mention that. My son just last week stated an interest in making the golf team for high school. Well, H is over the moon with that. He has played golf and even was an assistant pro at a CC after college but before pilot training. They have been to driving range 4 times, played a round of golf and husband came home with a new set of clubs yesterday for S. This is crucial for their relationship as my S really lost a lot of respect (feelings) for H when he left. They do not know why he left so it was very confusing to them.



A lot of his complaints are all tied to the same thing--his dissatisfaction with his position in his life. Help him find things to satisfy him.

How can I made him satisfied? I am helping as much as I can by allowing him the freedom to do what he wants. In another conversation last night I could tell it really bothered him that he is unhappy and he doesn't know why he is feeling dissatisfied with life....everything is how he said he wanted it to be. I said to him that this makes me feel anxious and scared... back to the no eating and sleeping thing for me.... (I know get out the 2x4 faith board) He expressed concern over this as he knows I have an important race coming in 3 weeks and need the rest and nutrition. He restated last night that this has nothing to do with her. He brought this up on his own. He said he was sorry that I felt unsafe that I have no reason to that he was just feeling a little out of sorts and it will work out, let's just wait and see..

So the DB'ing starts full tilt again for me. The hard part is detaching without withdrawing. I can't seem to find that middle ground. The detaching now is different.

Your prayer meant so much to me, I hope you know that. I have read it about 10 times since you posted. I have stayed up to date with your situation. You are handling your daughter well..... seems if it's not one thing it's another.


Blessings for you today.