Thought about telling w that the way I have been treating her over past 2 weeks is how I plan on treating my w for the rest of her life. But that you have made a choice to leave the m so I cannot continue to be that way towards you - token gifts showing my appreciation, buying lunch/dinner, telling her how much I appreciate her, etc. Just realize doing so would be sort of punishment for her not dropping OM & wanting to come back - really serves no purpose.
This is something you may want to think about. It's OK to tell her the R will change once D happens, just take the emtions out of it. To be that's honest and not a threat. Before you do this, put yourself in her shoes and figure out how to approach her. Just my $.02
To me this is the difference between the Tough Love vs DB approach to my sitch.
To continue to DB would mean to act as if OM doesn't matter, just be myself & do what I want to do in regards to how I treat my w - be nice with no expectations. Felt great to see results but got my hopes up way too early that my actions were making a bigger difference than I now realize. I can continue to try to meet her needs (LL is WOA & AOS) & try my best to drop all expectations.
Tough Love would be to tell her the above & then withdraw from her. Still be friendly towards her but stop meeting her needs, stop pursuing. With OM still in picture just wasting my time competing. She needs to end it with him before I will start to meet her needs again as I have shown I can over past 2 weeks.
Don't really know what to do. W wants to work on being friends & then see what happens. Two ways to look at this desire of hers:
Tough Love - Wants to know I am still here so that she has her fall back plan in case things with OM fizzle. Cake eating - things with me back to way they were prior to her last trip to AK.
I want to make it clear that is not my intent to be anyone's 2nd option. I will be fine if D is the result of her choices.
DB - Keep trying to meet her needs, be the more attractive choice. Work on being friends with W; reconnecting with W
How is that possible without discussing feelings & keeping expectations to a minimum?
Would appreciate anyone & everyone's thoughts..Thanks
Me/W 39/37 T/M 9/6 S 4, D 2 Bomb 7/17/08 OM confirmed 7/23/08 D Filed 7/25/08 D served 9/17/08
