Trying2Live-Post #5

[AllW8SBF]

So I have some questions - what a shocker!!! Hey I'm laughing that's two laughs for the day!

Well as I was praying yesterday I got to wondering, see I'm praying that my H will find the Lord, I'm telling you if he did that even if it wasn't with me (I don't want that but I truly believe he'd be so much better if he found God) I'd be happy. But in any case, so I was wondering what would happen, which prayer does God answer if one person prayed to restore the marriage and the other person prayed to end the marriage peacefully? How does he answer those prayers? I really want to ask that to Charlyne and Bob.
It's funny because just in the last what week or so of me praying for that, H has started talking about God more. Not that it's necessary anything good about God, not out right bad, just 1) God gave him this Bipolar and hasn't taken it away so he doesn't listen to H as H is like God won't take that from him. and then last night it was 2) Well I guess God did bless my throat (he was doing awesome on his radio show). I did lots of praising and laughing and deposits in the love bank. At least I think I did - he laughed at me too, and he stuck his tongue out at me.

Next ???

Ok argggghhhh despite all that fun stuff, I got SOOOOO angry. My fault I know, and I knew at the time I stomped around I was doing probably exactly what God didn't want me to do - not sure though you tell me.

I happen to overhear a convo my h and a "friend" (I think their still just friends and that may all it ever will be, but they talk ALOT) H told her he screwed up, a girl he's interested in (Stephanie - I so want to go onto Yahoo and send emails to all the chicks with profiles that H may be interested in and say hey I'm fighting for my husband, if your interested hands off. And even tonight when I go and meet these new girls, I want to say if you see this man, hands off)I think he was to go see her in Indy, well H had not heard from her so he left her ANOTHER message (I heard part of this too - he goes into his bedroom but I can still kinda hear), he said haven't heard from you, I'm guessing your busy, but I will take your no call as a not interested, and I will not be available this weekend or (something like that). Well he told his "friend" about leaving that message but that he JUST got a text or VM from Stephanie that said sorry I had not gotten back to you but my grandma is sick and had not been able to call because she's been with her at the hospital.
So I got pissed, I prayed the whole time asking these evil people to leave H alone, etc. But I just started thinking about How many nice things and loving things, and friendly things I have done for H but what has he done for me lately.
So how do you deal with the urge of getting angry when you've done all this and showing love to your H but get no love back? And if you tell me GAL I'm going to put my hands through this computer and strangle you!

Ok now Hope question for you, sorry I may have missed this in one of T2L earlier posts but, I'm a little lost at how it's possible that no one at your/H's work doesn't know. I mean, they can't see how your acting different around each other?

So I answered the SAA test at the back and Affection is one of the top 5 how do I do that if H gets mad when I do it? I rarely ever did it before, and now even if I just say good night and drag my fingers across his back he flips.
It's just one more thing that he lets others who do crap to him, and even treat him WORSE then I ever have and he's all nice to them. He lets them and wants them to give him his top 5 needs but me NOOOOO don't do it. So what do I do then?

Now I'm going to go and look at TXmom's thread. I'm like T2L I don't go to other threads that often.

Oh tonight is my dance class and I'm meeting some new friends for dinner - GAL - and tomorrow I'm going bowling with friends from work.
GAL, doing the GAL dance, <dancing around><arms in front in circles> doing the GAL dance, woo hoo.