Woog, I re-read it, now I am laughing/smiling inside. I am an emotional girl sometimes, the first time I read 'into' it how much you were trying to make me smile, that you do care about me, that I AM awesome, etc.....
My son is also confused that Mommy cries when she is happy--more than once he has given me a WTF? look when I cry at a happy ending on a tv show, etc....
So anyway I was feeling the love and it made me cry. Now I am laughing with you....must be torture to have somebody want to enjoy ife with you, huh? Especially when they are willing to accept you in your screwed-up condition and support you while you crawl out of the pit...
Must be why I chase guys away...
I hear the b!tches get a lot of men, that's even the name of a book, but I can't swing that way..........
OK so now I am sure that I will next be posting from "separated" or "surviving".
I knew H would crack and I think he did today. Time for me to walk the walk. Realize his problems are not caused by me no matter what he says/thinks. Also realize that I can NOT 'fix' him or the situation.
Letting him go do whatever he needs to do is what I need to do, it has always been my fear that giving him space will make him think he is free to leave me for good, but the choice to leave has always been his regardless of what I do...
This is all prompted by a series of texts I got today, all within 9 minutes:
Text 1: What is the game plan for this evening?
Me: I have a get-together with some girls from work, but should be home around 5:30. Then was going to get kids/us a movie. What's up?
Text 2: Not sure. movie is ok. I can get the kids.
Text 3: Zero sleep last night. Hang out with the girls and I will get the kids.
Anthony really wants me to get a beer with him later. Maybe I will go after kid
Text 4: Kids go to sleep.
Text 5: I will get them for sure.
Text 6: Hey I also have some thots to share tomorrow sometime. Can't be upset like this I am going to end up fired if I am not careful
Me: I can get an overnight sitter tonight if you want to talk
Text 7: That's not necessary
Me: Can you talk to me with them in the house? when do you want to talk dan? thanks for getting the kids by the way
Me: Trust me I know you need your rest and I do not want you to get fired so I will listen when you want to share
So.......................I would imagine he cannot sleep bc he is so miserable being around someone who loves him unconditionally and wants a marriage that is emotionally, spiritually, and physically intimate, as Woog said, that must make a man miserable...
I am a bit numb but not really surprised. I just figured it would come out as an angry outburst like the last time...I have a small part in the back of my mind that wonders if OW joined him again on this last trip to L.A. (she was on the two before that back in May and June). That would explain his not being able to come to bed or to sleep since he got back (guilt). Or his parents' medical situations may have him thinking life is too short to live this way anymore (I agree just have a different idea of how to fix that--don't divorce, work it out).
But no good knowledge comes from assuming. He is terribly depressed, even if he can't admit it to himself. I know at the end of the day, God loves me, my kids love me, my family loves me, I have a job and a house that I really like and I enjoy running. So I got that going for me....
My game plan is just to listen to him and if he wants to go, let him go. I will struggle to forgive him for hurting our children like this, b/c they have been through it once already. If it were just me, it wouldn't be so bad. I would hurt, but not like I will hurt for our children...And if he is leaving for OW I will not be nearly as capable of remaining a friend...
It almost drives you crazy when they tell you they have something to say and then leave you hanging on for a day before they tell you. And then when they tell you, it is something stupid like "I still dont know what I want".
The best thing you need to do is stop trying to figure out what he could want to say.
He better hurry up and figure himself out otherwise there is going to be some other very lucky guy in Iowa giving and receiving love with a happy BobbiJo.
