I'm sorry that whatever else is going on, you dont feel as though you can post it here, or that only your H can help and your BFF doesnt. Can I ask you.. has your H/is he helpful about it?? Do you think you ought to speak to a C about it, as its clearly deeply personal and he isnt really there for you much is he?
Listening to your convo... your H sounds like my ex, pretty self involved. He left you, broke your heart and ok, you've been DBing so he 'sees' you as doing ok, but he spends alot of the lunch talking about himself.
Also, he reminds me very much of my ex in having bad boundaries with his Mum and being unable to stand up to her, and does stuff with her/for her, eventhough he doesnt enjoy and then perhaps ends up resentful. He's an adult, how do you feel about him saying..
"he has to go shopping with his Mum for Xmas presents this weekend. He wasn't looking forward to it - it's usually a 10 hour marathon and he hates shopping...4 years ago she made him go shopping with her even though he had a temperature of 104 and felt like he was going to die. We talked about that a little and how it was hard to understand why she'd be like that."
...um, so wheres him in all that? Wheres his responsibility to be honest, stand up to her, have a real R with her!? Its not sounding too mature, but then you know that about him. My ex similiarly moaned to me about his Mum going on at him in the summer and I gently suggested that partly it was his responsibility to let her know that he was feeling a bit low and finding it difficult and perhaps she wasnt aware of the effect her behaviour was having? He agreed.
Sounds like you validated and agreed, rather than challenged him in anyway over this. Would you say you had your H on a pedestal? You are good at never critiscising him.
I also think you could be right when you say the aub has stopped him seeing you, but again, he is a man, not a little boy, so he could stand up to her!? Tell her you are a part of his life??
You said "she's put a freeze on him seeing me, which is fine".. is it fine? Are you ok about it? I wouldnt be, if that was the reason. Its a different matter than if HE doesnt want to see you.
It is positive that he emailed early, took you for lunch, hugged you and emailed you in the afternoon. But him saying he was glad you are happier today than the other day, is not great.. how did that make you feel?
He is minimising the issues in your life in sying that, he may as well as patted you on the head, it seems a bit patronising and is more abot HIM? HE is glad you are happier as that makes him feel better. Would you have sent an email like that to a friend, knowing what you do about your life right now, if you had met you for lunch? No, I wouldnt. I'd say, today was a better day, hold on to that next time you feel low, you will have good and bad days until this time in your life has past.. or something more flippin real !
Its a sad state of affairs, all this lack of honesty. I cant stand it anymore, how are you feeling about it?
