Please send me good karma!!....I'm gonna need it!

[Silent Chrleader]

Yes, I know there were a LOT of positives. I was just angry at myself for "melting down" again, so I didn't come away feeling very good about me and that was very disappointing. I did call H last night to let him know that I did see all the concessions he made and that I knew that that was very difficult for him and I did appreciate it, and I appologized for if I came off as "pushy" or "wanting more". I told him that was my fear and loss of trust issues coming out, and I knew that I had to work on that. I also told him that all I wanted was to take one day at a time and see what we could build. And H said that he too was good with one day at a time, so long as I understood that that did not mean every day. And I assured him that I absolutely agreed with that, and that I still needed space to work on me and keep my head clear too. I then asked him again if he was just doing this to "placate" me, and he said that he had answered that question in the session so I didn't need to ask it again. Then he said "Try to rest well tonight, Dear."

It's going to take some time I think to feel more compfortable in my skin when I'm around him. The OW is on my mind a lot, and I worry and analyze all the time! I really need to get past that, or I'm afraid it will submarine any chance we have at building a new R.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I am a wimp compared to so many of the strong people I have read about on these boards that have sitches much more difficult than my own! I'm sorry if I offend anyone with my whining!