As always, appreciate your insight Tim! Knew I would wake up & get my earful this morning!
We all post stuff here knowing that we are going to get wacked. You just needed to be reminded of what you already knew.
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
This is the conclusion I came to after couple hours of dealing with my emotions & thinking things through. Lost sight of fact that w is divorcing me, that she is free to do what she wants, make her own decisions. I have a choice in how I react to those choices & just showed I have a ways to go in dealing with my own emotions.
Emotions suck when dealing with all this BS. That is why taking a deep breath and giving yourself 24 hours to react to any given emotional situation helps us not to do or say something stupid. Forget about it and move on. Don't dwell on the past, you cannot change it so why waste time on it.
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
You have the patience of a saint! How do you deal with heartache? Just wells up inside me. I actually came home from work last night & cried for 10 minutes just to release some of the anguish I had from missing my w. I know that played into my emotions when I reacted to what I found.
Do me a favor and go find the thread by SmartCookie that she restarted called "Look inside one AWAW". Read what she has written. She wrote it many months ago but reposted it again. If that does not give you the motivation and understanding of what you W has been through nothing will. Print it out and read it each time life gets tough or you feel like quitting. Its one heck of a motivator. Patience is learned, add it to your list of things to do. If you don't already have enough.
As for the heartache, not much you can do about it. Cry, go work out, post here, talk to a C. Not much else you can do about it. Sucks waking up and realizing what a DAM you have been all these years. Forgive yourself and move on. Be happy you woke up from it at all, so many men out there are still DAM's and always will be.
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
Before I went to bed I sent a quick txt to w phone: "You are free to do what you want. I read into things too much. Sorry"
Had response from w "I have a lot to work on for me. Sorry if I disrespected you"
Thought about telling w that the way I have been treating her over past 2 weeks is how I plan on treating my w for the rest of her life. But that you have made a choice to leave the m so I cannot continue to be that way towards you - token gifts showing my appreciation, buying lunch/dinner, telling her how much I appreciate her, etc. Just realize doing so would be sort of punishment for her not dropping OM & wanting to come back - really serves no purpose.
So, just going to be myself this morning. Treat her no different from way I have been. W may want to discuss issues - she said she would come by 30 mins early this morning - up earlier than normal just to be ready. I plan to just hear her out, listen & validate. Nothing for me to say except to apologize for violating her trust but do ask that she respect me by not doing anything related to OM in my house. Will post later what happens.
Have mindset that she is not coming back - helps with dropping expectations & heartache. Just have to get back to focusing on myself & the kids. Put off painting my bedroom but taped it last night & will do that now on Sunday. Worked out last night & need to get back on track with that. Going to Vegas for couple days at Thanksgiving to visit a cousin & get a break from kids & w.
Short and sweet text to her that is good. Avoid any deep conversations over the phone, email and text. Its hard to see her reaction and stuff gets miss interpeted. Anything deep do the 24 hour deal and post it here first, look it over the next day and then send it if you want to. One day will not change the message but it will help you detach yourself from the emotions that had you writting it in the first place.
I think I told you I have many letters written to my W that were never sent because I thought about it over night. You can do this just relax, have fun in Vegas and enjoy your kids. Worry about what you can control, yourself, and let go of that which you cannot, your W, your M/R.
