Things my heart still needs to know... (#47)

[mishka422]

You get what you settle for.....-Thelma and Louise

I forgot all about that quote. How true!

I wanted to share something with you. I don't know if it will be helpful to you but it certainly opened my eyes to a lot of things that I had been mulling over wondering if I was doing the right thing regarding my M and the possibilities of reconciliation.

Reconciliation is bilateral (whereas separation is generally one sided):

Use the ABCM model to measure the other party's sincerity in wanting to reconcile.

A - Acknowledge sin - Offender needs to own up to their sins. Are they sorry for what they did or sorry they got caught?

B - Bear the burden - Admit if they are the responsible party - repent

C - Correct the behavior - Caused the tension and must be willing to be accountable to change.

M - Make a sincere request for mercy - Completes the picture of reconciliation.

The ABCM process:

Remain open, but be wise - It's like chain locking a door. They can only push the door so far before the chain lock stops them. You need to watch them to make sure they are sincere.

Take responsibility for reconciliation - This could just mean a cordial relationship, not necessarily marriage restoration. Both parties must be actively involved in the work to be done and be accountable to each other for it.

Remain realistic - Take things the way they are, not necessarily the way you want them to be. Don't be in denial when God reveals things to you.

What do I need to do to stabilize? - Stabalize yourself - even if spouse is not willing because if you are the same person they left before they won't ever want to be with you again (yes, we all know this which is why we worked so hard on ourselves)

Do I want to reconcile? - Taking the time to find out and stabilize is the most important. After that, you will come to your own conclusions based on the observations you have of your spouse.