ULTIMATE GOAL: I WANT TO BE PHYSICALLY INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND
FIRST STEP - MAKE MYSELF MORE DESIRABLE
• go shopping for new clothes • get hair color (cover the grey) • get hair cut • get to the gym three times a week at least • get a new "nighty" - purple or green (H fave colors) • start taking showers at night right before bed - get some good "smelly" bath gel to smell good to come to bed (make sure legs are always shaved - H is a leg man) • make sure you have your "face on" before he gets up in the morning - like i have somewhere to go type thing. • start getting out more (contact friends in the area and arrange lunch and such - stop being a home body)
********************* If I get volunteer job, that will take care of last. I need to get back into a regular exercise routine.
This is a great list! It gives me some ideas on things I can do.
... and H's mannerism has certainly change to reflect that he is more comfortable being with you and he feels good about it too.
Don't forget to add to your list: • too not only start getting out more, but to pursue your interest too ... the kind of activities you enjoy doing. Like your voluteer job ... (I hope you get it!)
Focusing on doing my own thing is EXACTLY what I need to do.
Why do I think that waiting around on husband will make me more attractive to him? I KNOW that messes up my PMA, contributes to my depression, and pushes him away.
Sigh.
So why do I do it?
After receiving a call every other day, and sometimes every day last week, going 3 days without hearing from him makes me anxious.
I need to trust him and focus on improving my life!
I guess I've re-attached and now I need to detach again.
Thank you KAW for your timely advice and gentle kick!
By the way...they accepted me as a volunteer! I start possibly next week. They'll call me when they have a date confirmed!
Well, the one time he called me every other day, was last week, after he made the momentous decision to move to my town. So, I'm guessing that he was calling because he felt closer to me and was excited about the move/new job.
In the past, he'd call me when I hadn't called/emailed him, usually 3 days at least had to go by before he'd call.
The times that he wanted to stay and continue talking to me, seemed to be when he was calling me from his house...rather than from work. When our conversation was light and non relationship oriented.
When he calls me from his work, the conversation is usually very short and to the point.
So, as frustrating as it is, it seems that what works is not contacting him at all, letting him initiate contact.
I did praise him last week for calling me so often. Sent him an email saying that I knew I was important to him because he was calling me so often. He told me on the phone that the email meant a lot to him and he thanked me.
Are you trying to take any "baby steps", or are you looking at "leaps and bounds"?
What goal would you be able to see accomplished within a week or two time frame?
If you were that famous woman golfer, sinking that 30 foot putt with ease, what spot would you be aiming for that was in line with the hole?
What small step could you see realized that would help you feel less anxious, and less worried, about your relationship?
"What will be the very first signs that things are moving in the right direction?"
As far as my husband calling me.
One baby step that I would know meant we are moving in the right direction could be:
He calls me twice a week. He calls me from his house rather than work. He calls just to chat, see how I'm doing, rather than to talk about what we need to do next towards moving in together. (Although I'd be happy about that phone call too.)
Baby steps towards being intimate: Reaches for my hand to hold. Kisses me at some point other than just goodbye kiss. Hugs me at some point other than just goodbye hug.
For me, when I drop the rope, my instincts scream that I'm hurting my husband. When I stop trying to improve our relationship, I feel as though I'm saying to him, I give up, I quit, you aren't worth fighting for.
He on the other hand hears, "I love you, I trust you and I think we are doing great."
Sigh.
But I do find that I feel better and more in control after dropping the rope.
I called husband to confirm whether or not he's coming over this weekend. Parents wanted to know cause my mom is having allergies and doesn't want to leave house if he's not coming.
So, husband said he was coming but only on Sunday. Does want me to make him lasagna.
I asked him if everything was ok. He said it was and asked why I was asking. I said I hadn't heard from him in 3 days. He said, "I know and I'm sorry about that."
I said, "I've been worried you changed your mind."
He said, "Have no fear, I haven't."
I sighed in relief and he laughed.
Before we hung up he told me he loved me.
Drat. I didn't expect that my anxiety would get worse as things get better!
I have to figure out how I can self-soothe anxiety away without asking him for reassurance.
I'm sure doing my own thing and not thinking about him/us will help.
Asking myself what I can do to improve my life seems to help me to refocus.
So, I did the upper body work out tonight according to the Body for Life website.
I used the dumbells I had at home.
I did all the muscle groups using this: 12 reps with 1 pound 10 with 2.5 pound 8 with 5 pound 6 with 6.6 pound and then last two sets of 12 with the 2.5 pound
I was sore last night...could tell I worked my muscles to the point of fatigue.
Today they feel well used.
And my anxiety is gone!
Perhaps it's all the endorphins from exercise and challenging myself.
Perhaps its knowing that I've done something to improve my life.
Who cares!
If I get anxious again, I just have to remember to remind myself to work out!
