Thanks, all....FIL will be having some procedure done in Dec. where they put a device in his arm that releases some kind of drug that blocks the testosterone in his body. It keeps the testosterone from feeding the cancer.
We had fun together at the book fair last night, Dan, the kids, and I.
However he was back on the couch as he has been for the seventh night in a row...ever since he got back from California last Friday. He spent the entire night in his clothes,I came out this morning when his alarm went off in our room and he was wearing his golf shirt and jeans from yesterday...
He is so wound up he is going to pop soon. I asked him what was wrong, he said he had gotten 16 hours of sleep in the past 5 days....I said something about the couch not being comfortable he said he didnt' sleep at all the night he came into our room (B.S. by the way, I am sure he slept some...but oh well).
I just said it must suck not to get any sleep and what was he thinking about all the hours he was awake? He said, "I don't know and I don't want to talk about it when I have been awake all night". I just said okay, hope you can figure out what is bothering you and let me know if there is anything I can do."
It is really sinking in "finally" that his problems are HIS problems. I KNOW I haven't done anything 'wrong' here, I love my husband and want to be his lover and friend and helper. And if he has a problem with that, those are things I am not going to stop being to my husband, as long as he is my husband.
If things go south and I EVER get married again, I will take a long, hard look at whether the next guy can accept me as a loving, supportive friend who wants to be intimate (emotionally/spiritually, not just physically)with my husband....
So anyway I don't know if it is work, his mom's cancer, his dad's cancer, the economy, or my annoying habit of being nice to him
But whatever it is, I can't solve it. I had a special little prayer session with God this morning and I gave God my 'Dan project'. I told Him I can't save H, I can't fix H, and I needed to give him over to God b/c it is draining to try to do the impossible...
So my load is lighter this morning, even though I love H and always will, I cannot be his rescuer. It is up to him (and God) now. Of course it always was.........i just thought I could make it different.
It has always been his problem. But we all tend to be protective of the people we love even when they keep hurting us deeply and we make their problems ours.... But I think you have figured it out that there isnt much you can do about Dan unless he helps himself also, You sound better. Good for you. xxx K I hope your FiL will be OK.
I was just in the music teacher's classroom to help supervise concert practice...she has a ton of inspirational messages on her back wall....
one that stuck out to me was short and sweet, it said
"If I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it"
That sums up my situation pretty well...I am past the point of "what we both did to get here". We "Got Here" at least a year ago, and I have been trying to grow/learn/change ever since. At this point, his unhappiness is a result of his choices not my actions....I need to remember that.
And thanks for the 2 x 4s yesterday about me being awesome...that always helps!
I would sure hate to have a woman love me and want me to accept her as a loving, supportive friend who wants to be intimate (emotionally/spiritually, not just physically). That would certainty suck. Who would want that?
And if she were a super cute blonde former cheerleader who does yoga to stay "flexible".... That would simply be hell....
No wonder Dan can't sleep. The poor guy is miserable...Who wouldn't be in his shoes?
I like your attitude now. Your marriage problems are not your fault just as I still feel about mine. It actually feels pretty good to let them go on their own and not worry about them. Focus on the kids as that is what really matters.
Who knows what will change Dan's demeanor towards life and if it ever will change. It may be that he has some severe manic disorder that can only be treated with medication. As Woog keeps saying, until Dan sees an IC and gets some professional help, the only thing that might pull his head out of his ass is some dramatic life changing event.
OK Woog now I am crying and I am supposed to be heading over to teach Preschool!
You are the best brother. I know it sounds like a no-brainer that a man would love to have a loving, supportive, smart, cute, funny wife, but looking at this board shows you it doesn't always turn out that way....
Thanks again. I deserve to experience an awesome love and I hope that someday I do get that experience....
Thanks Kerry. I think H is headed into a full-blown nervous breakdown. I don't think that is the politically correct term these days....oh well. His mom had a breakdown when H was around 10, she was in the hospital and everything....pretty sure she still suffers from depression...
