Don't know what to do- Please help

[saffie]

Limbo,

Write yourself a pro's and con's list of what you would gain or lose depending on whether you stay together or not. Do it for you - no need to share. It might just help focus you a bit more.

[JoieDeVivre]

Great advice from Saffie ...

Also, you don't have to, nor should you, make any decisions right away. You've had a another major blow so take the time to let the shock wave diminish.

Do you journal at all? I'm not good at that, but I did it for a couple of months after my d-day. I wrote about how I felt and why. It helped me to work through things. Get your thoughts down on paper. You may not come up with any answers but you may be better prepared for them in your own mind at least.

[limbo]

Thank you both


I have journaled from time to time, last time I did it just made me really angry..so I have stopped for awhile.
To be honest I am scared with the list there will be more cons, I know that's horrible to say..but its a worry!
I just feel really numb for the most part, not alot of feeling, I am sure you know what I am talking about. I worry that they just aren't truly ever going to come back.
I know it takes time, and I am giving it that, but it just feels like there is so much more to work through this time.

[limbo]

Hello All!

Sorry I have checked in for awhile, H keeps reading here, so I don't post as much. Which is unfortunate.
Things are still alittle up and down, but as far as I know no further contact from ow.
I did hear from one of h co workers, wanting to make sure we are ok, its scary when they are telling you to be careful because as it was put the ow is a bunny boiler!
I was really scared when this person got in contact with me as I worried that more information I didn't want was going to come, but it didn't, she was just concerned.
So it seems to be settling down for now, which is good, and I do feel alittle better, so its a step in the right direction.

I hope that you are all good!!

[limbo]

Hello All,

Still hanging around…things are ok, nothing new really…I have had some melt downs, and I still struggle with things, but I think it is slowly getting easier(I hope)
I am very tired, tired of have this dark cloud hanging around, that has been over my life now for 2 years, I hope she has decided to go away, and will leave us alone, but some how I doubt it.

One of my BF told me this morning that there is something going on in her M, she won’t tell me what’s going on, but I am sure she will, she says its not the same as me, so hopefully no ow, but it made my heart hurt for her, to think that she is now standing on that long road of turmoil, limbo and heartache, she has been one of my rocks through all of my problems, and I hope that she will let me be the same!
I will also tell her to come here, to get the support of all the wonderful people here!
I just feel so bad for her!

[RedHeadWife]

Limbo, I've read most of this thread & want to get some thoughts out there before I forget. Although you have been going through this for over 2 yrs now, things have never been consistent, so you have never really had time to build the trust again. Now the latest and you guys are pretty much starting all over again. I am just now getting to a more comfortable spot and we have been "back together" for about 1 1/2 yrs (although one of those yrs he was deployed and he's now been home since May, but I digress).

It wil take A LOT of time, but it will come. Sooner or later you will feel confident enough to know that either (1) he will not cheat again or (2) if he does you are for real done & he can kiss your a$$.

Also, just on a side note, I JUST got a card w/ a full-on, sincere "apology" just this week saying he knew he could never take back the damage he has done, but I am all he wants & cannot imagine ever living w/o me.

All of the hurtful things that are said, done etc. take so very long to heal and they never truly go away, but you DO get to a point where you quit "wondering" if they are "doing something they shouldn't be doing" and not just b/c you would kick them to the curb, but because you just KNOW that they won't do that again.

Hang in there girl, you're still in there for a long haul, but he is back.

[limbo]

Thanks Red!

Its nice to hear that, it makes me feel better, sometimes I wonder if I am just being a drama queen when I still get down, or scared, and its nice to know that I am not.
Its just so sad that our lives have been ruled by this and her for so long, that this psycho has had this hold for as long as she has. I really hope that this time she has gone away for good.
We talked alittle about her last week, and H seemed to be very honest about the situation, however it hurt, he had been talking with her since May, although he still says he never saw her.
Then in October around his birthday she started to put the pressure on to see him, around his birthday, and he refused and it seems this is what caused her to get nasty.
I just wish that he had felt that he could have come to me, it makes me feel that he doesn't truly believe in the changes I have made, and he doesn't believe in me.

[limbo]

First off I want to wish my American friends a Happy thanksgiving!! I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Things are moving along ok for us, H and I have both been sick all week, so not alot of interaction going on, but thats to be expected.

I have something that has been nagging at me, and I just can't shake this feeling, and thats, that I don't know my H, I don't truly know him, that he has keep things from me all of our marriage, I know that now, over the years there have been things that have come up, at the time I just thought you know its a guy thing and let it go, but now I realize that I shouldn't have let it go, that I should have found out what he was doing and why.
I don't mean that he was having an affair, but place he went on the internet.
Its a horrible feeling that I have been with someone for over 22 years and I don't really know them. Its scary.
I just needed to get this out, get some feedback on it, try to clear it from my mind!

[fightingirish]

limbo,

Ive never posted to you before, but i can only relate to how you are feeling.

Im feeling these feelings as we speak. Its like we open ourselves up completely, and honestly and only to find out that they haven't been truthful at all, and then you begin to question everything. It can make you go mad.

Please don't dwell on it. It can eat you alive if you do. Unfortunately until they have proven that they can be trusted again, I don't know how to tell you to let that feeling go. I guess we just have to learn how to live with it for now, because what can we do. Hope and pray that they are doing the right thing and that he is being truthful with you.

It will get easier, I've been at this about almost 3 years, the hurt does get a tad better, but the trusting part I struggle with.

Its craziness, Ive been with H for 20 years, and feel the same as you.

Did he ever tell you why he felt this is the route he needed to go??

[limbo]

Thanks T and L!

Again its nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way!
I do believe that H is trying and being open with me, but there is always that part that wonders now, how open and honest, its horrible to feel that way and I don't want to, I know he is trying. But I am still scared that there will again be something, that there is so much he isn't telling me.
I think that is a big part of the problem, that there has been so much left out of whats happened over the years.
That I don't know so much, in some ways I have thought that was the best, but in others it just makes it so much harder.
I want to be here with my H, but sometimes its just so much of a struggle.
So thank you for the support.