Surrendering to hope

[AliSuddenly]

Hey ITH,

I havent got time to post.. but seriusly girl, you are in an abusive R with this man and you cant see it. MLC, depression, separated, whatever, aside from all that, he has some MAJOR issues. Cant you see it? It makes me feel uncomfortbable reading it. You keep saying, phew, think I got through that day.. this sitch, that moment, thinkit was papered over.. its like, your splashing a bit of water on a little fire in one corner, whilst failing to notice that the whole house is ablaze.

I urge you to set up some IC ASAP.. to talk it through with them and see how you can set better boundaries to your H in all of this and why you are ignoring that little voice inside that knows that they way he speaks to you is wrong.

Noone shows affection by grabbing someones nose, pulling their hair, poking at them or cruelly teasing them about things they once did. He's seriously got some intimacy issues, or rage, or something and I dont think he is "afraid of you", I think this is all in him and he sounds in a very wierd place. Was he always like this, in the way he expressed affection at least???

I also dont want to be a negative nelly.. but everytime I read about his behaviour, I have this nagging feeling that there is an ow lurking somewhere. It doesnt all add up otherwise (his refusal to work on the R). Also, I have been posting all year and for most of that time, I was the ONLY person in my group of posters that didnt have an OW.. and it did seem odd, and turns out, tehre was one lurking, but nothing had happened yet.

I'm just saying, try not to rule it out, or be naive and maybe do more snooping to find out! I wish I had done (and would have if he had still been living with me). I dont believbe in that dont snoop stuff.. that, in the books, applies to once you know about an A, and its to stop you focusing on it and getting dragged down, put off by the reality.. but, I think it pays to be well informed to begin with.

And now I have waffled on, but seriously, you need to wake up and see how abusive your H is.

Oh and when you said "Not trying to analyze everything, but I think this is a sign that he is at the least feeling more comfortable around me...", I have to disagree. He sounds in a very wierd place, emotionally, expeically as he was so rude to you.

I am sure others will jump in here. I think you need to work on giving him some space?

Al x