Surrendering to hope

[istherehope]

Oh also wanted to add that I tried something this morning that didn't go over so well. I pushed the envelope a little, but I don't think it was too big of a deal. He was laying in bed, and I was about to leave. I said I'd kiss him on the head and he said something slightly negative, but I don't remember what. So I kissed him on the elbow. He didn't seem too impressed, so I will now limit physical advances to things like poking at him when joking around that seem to go over OK.

Anyway he got up before I left, and we joked around some more, and I said goodbye without acting emotional or kissing him or even standing close to him, so I think it was patched over. It is just so strange not to even be hugging each other. Physical affection has consisted of him rubbing my nose, his feet against me, pulling at my hair (like a teenager might do), laying somewhat close to me in bed, and 2 times ML where he grabs at me after we've been sleeping. On the couch we sit pretty close to each other, and he even leans toward me, but there is no touching beyond me sort of poking at him if we're joking around. I know I need to take this slow. It just seems like he is somewhat afraid of me still.

I also just noticed that I missed 2 calls from him yesterday morning, so the good thing is that he is nearly constantly reaching out to me, even though we're still in the same house. Not trying to analyze everything, but I think this is a sign that he is at the least feeling more comfortable around me...

ITH