Please send me good karma!!....I'm gonna need it!

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, now I don't know what to think or feel. The following points were made in MC session today.

1. H wants a divorce. Doesn't want to "change". Doesn't want to "work on relationship".
2. C said very little. Basically just "mirrored" what each of us said. This was VERY frustrating because he doesn't "counsel" much.
3. I told H and C that I still thought that 25 years of marriage and building a life deserved a true effort and that I really felt that justice had not been done. We have been in "counseling" for years with D24, but NOT MC and IC for US! I still felt that our family deserved our effort to take what we've learned and the "new selves" we've begun to know and see if we can perhaps build a new marriage! Yes, the old one was gone, but I don't feel I have seen "the best H" and I know he did not see the "best me" and I felt we owed our children and family that! Yes, I was crying, and this is so not what I wanted to do during this session. So, I asked H if he really felt he had been his "best self" in our marriage, and he said "No."
4. So, C asked H if he would be willing to take some time together as "best selves", and H said "that depends on how it's done". H doesn't want pressure. He wants slow. We will spend at least a couple nights a week together (like for dinner) and at least 1 day on weekend together. No "R" talk except in session with C (I suggested that one).
5. C asked if H was doing this "placatingly" or if he truly wanted to see if we could perhaps build a new relationship and H said he thought he did want to see.
6. I voiced concern that with my feelings so fresh about OW, I might get "edgy" and H said he would try to be understanding and not judge that.
7. H agreed to not drink to excess when with me or S17.
8. H, I & S17 are going to "dream house" this weekend. H will spend time concentrating on re-building relationship with S17.
9. We will continue weekly MC.
10. Landlord for H agreed to go month-to-month on his apt, but we are not "under the gun" for him to move back home.
11. H will be spending time with group of guy friends he has made at least 1x per week (possibly more), but H will not be dating or pursuing other relationships with women.
12. H admitted that he made a BIG mistake in PA with OW, and is very sorry he hurt me in that way.

So, that's basically it. A lot of positives I know, but I guess I expected H to be more "contrite" in general, but he wasn't. That just goes to show what I get for expectations (which I tried not to have!) And I'm still afraid that H is just doing this to salve his conscience, but is still set on divorce. I know I can't help that if that's the case, and I could drive myself nuts with analyzing everything. But, I'm still scared and unsure, and will really have to work extra hard on PMA!