TxMom- help I'm still hopeful -#2 post

[Trying2live]

Hey there,
Sorry just started a new thread, #5.

I know you are lonely and I know how hard it is to control those thoughts, but I think sometimes even our minds make things seems worse than they are. I know for sure that all our spouses are in a torn position. They know deep down inside when all is quiet what they are doing is wrong. Our mind can paint this picture that they are having such a fabulous time but in truth, yes maybe at first but I don't think it stays that way. I know you feel lonely, I understand that. I didn't talk to my H for almost 5 months until Oct 3rd when I implemented Plan A of SAA book. So believe me I understand lonely. This is where self care and GAL'ing are crucial to you having the strength and perseverance to be able to do this, if you so choose. I can understand wanting the marriage and then not wanting the marriage. I did the same things and I think that's why everything I've read suggest to not make any long term decisions for at least 1 year. It took me 5 1/2 months to decide for sure that I want to try and make it to that year mark to decide.

There can be a million whys and a million different pictures your mind can give you over this and ultimately it's just going to rob your joy and any peace that you can possibly have during this time. So if you can control your mind and just switch thoughts or practice thought stopping. Its hard but very possible.

Ok I know you say that H is co-dependent and waits on you but had you thought about this. How co-dependent is he if he pursued the OW and all with out your help. He did this all by his little old self and didn't take your lead on it either.

I agree with the other post. Control what you can control and thats you and the babies. I know you want your lil ones to have a good father but you can't make him do that. He's gonna do what he wants unfortunately so be the best mom you can until he comes out of the fog. You can talk til your blue in the face about his parenting but your going to be spinning your wheels. All common sense and rational thinking leave during an affair and no matter how hard you try it doesn't change until some fog lifts. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is have NO EXPECTATIONS from your spouse until fog lifts and this will help save your sanity. You won't get hurt because you have no expectations of being a normal adult.

So take care of yourself and babies. Hire a teenager to come babysit for an hour or so during the week so you can GAL.

When he comes to watch the kids on weekend, be very cheerful, confident and say Oh I'm so glad your here, thank him for the help I gotta go thanks and walk out the door. Limit the contact until negative emotions are reduced.