Chazz-- I can attest that you can go out on a "bender" with no alcohol involved! (See badass bike guy I saw for a few months). Still didn't get x out of my system, though.
I think I have come to the conclusion that I am one person who will always love their x, a true unconditional love. I just have to learn to live without him in my life.
I know that I won't ever love another the way that I love him, if only for having grown up with him, having my children with him. Anything that comes along after will be very different. Better? That remains to be seen. I don't think I will care for another as completely...
I keep thinking back to that sappy movie, the Titanic. How, after the death of Jack, she goes on to live a rich and happy life, gets married, has kids....but it is back to him that her soul goes to meet. I wonder if I will meet the memory of my x some day, the one I loved and who loved me. In my naiveate, I hope that he isn't gone forever, that understanding may come in the next life if not in this.
But hope is empty; it hasn't served me well, but kept me in denial. Only acceptance now, in the hard reality of life. It just is. And we go on, because what else is there to do?
