I think you have got to stop pursuing him at all costs.
Do not follow him, assume things, get angry, etc. Also, try and get it out of your head about sitting next to him, being romantic. It takes a long time to get to that point. He is going to feel so much pressure from you and will rebel like a teenager.
You have got to get it in your mind that you are just friends and act like it. This means less pressure felt by him.
My h and I saw each other every weekend for a long time but we never sat next to each other or were romantic at all and it was all small talk.
It was not until this year that we could talk, hold hands or whatever.
TOH, really, do try and keep some distance or you will end up back to square one again.
These men hate feeling pressure or being smothered and mothered.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Okay, I understand and agree. But again...If he is "testing" things, how will he know that things can be different if they aren't? If I am distant and cold to him, he is distant and cold to me, what would he want to come home for? For me right now he is here physically but I am still feeling lonely because he really isn't here. Know what I mean?
By the way I did a fine job DB today. He came this morning and went straight to the basement. I did not go down only to tell him good bye when I left for work. Tonight I kept busy and out of his way. We talked but only some. No pressure what so ever.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
MWG, that came out wrong. I did not follow him to "follow" him. I followed him home because he was ahead of me on the road and we both were headed home.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Just take it one day at a time, and do as I suggested in my earlier post. I don't know what else to say to you as his journey is not done and this journey takes a very long time. And he needs to get thru it on his own.
Don't even think about him testing you or how your actions are taken. Just let him be. Those are the four words that are the most effective in this MLC.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
thanks MWG, This is just hard. It is so weird what is going on right now. I really think there is more to him being here just don't know what it is. I am trying to do things right, but at the same time do what works for ME too. Lots and lots of mixed emotions and thoughts going on in me.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Just remember that many of these guys come and go several times.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
yea, unfortunately. And as I said, I really don't know what he is REALLY doing here. I do know that he is not ready to come back home yet. He is here but shows no emotions toward me. He is nice and will flirt a little but there is no "love" or kindness. If anything he acts like he did before he left. He is distant. Angry at times for unknown reasons. And he is saying nothing...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
He might not even know what he's doing there right now. No pressure, or he'll bolt (learn from my bad example). Go off by yourself somewhere to cry and scream if you need to. I know how hard this is.
Extremely hard. I want to ask what the hell is he here for. He seems so miserable. He won't talk. He's rude. He seems p*ssed. Tonight he did not have to work so was here all night. I went to the basement to start corn burner when I got home. He came down too. Right away it was obvious he was in no mood to talk to me. So I went back upstairs and started supper. D17 went and sat with him. I thought that was good. Good for them to spend some time together. He evenually asked her what mom was doing. So I went back down. But he was just biting my head off.
At one point we talked about the night of my birthday. He said he doesn't remember. I asked him if it is like that everytime he drinks alot. Doesn't remember what he did. He said yea, usually. I said doesn't that bother you. He said no, not really, it's good. I said that you can forget about the real world. He said yea pretty much. I said, "I feel sorry for you TM" He just smiled. I did sit with him some. But I didn't say too much. We just sat and watched the fire. Finally came upstairs. He ate and is sleeping on the couch. I don't get it. And I feel so sad for him. He seems so lost and angry. I wish he would trust me enough to talk to me...
Not saying i can fix anything for him. His mess, he has to figure this out on his own. I just believe that the first step is to let it out and talk about it.
Last edited by theotherhalf; 11/15/0804:41 AM.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
