Worse before Better?

[Andabelle]

You think this is just a ploy to force you to come clean about the $$$ he thinks you're hiding? Man, is he in for a rude awakening.

[job]

Sophie,
Okay, the gloves are off and now you have to get a lawyer or at least seek the advice of a lawyer. No more talking to your h about the divorce papers. This is what I was referring to in my very first posting about keeping your cards close to the vest....no more discussions about money, etc. The only discussions you should be having w/him about your children, when he is going to visit w/them, take them places and over to his place, etc. Relationship discussions are now totally tabled.

This guy is really looking to get something out of this deal. I think he's figuring on you buying him out of the house....money for his pockets. There is no way in heck that he is going to let you stay in the home w/o getting something out of it. If he does, he'll be the first one I've seen.

Calm down, take a deep breath and whatever you do, you must now look at this as a business deal gone sour. Leave your heart at the door when discussing this w/a lawyer. You now much take care of your children and yourself and leave that man outside in the cold for a while. Time to go dimmer on him.

[Andabelle]

What Snod said.

[Sophie]

Well Andabelle and Snodderly...I have to say that I am SO glad that I haven't said a thing to him other than my text which I meant only to acknowledge that what I read in the papers and that I would get a lawyer.

I've been reading about mediation verus no mediation...I can do either...but, ......no.........I'm just going to get a lawyer and tell the facts.

This is his idea, he walked out on me etc. etc....

I am upset working on reminding myself that I am not a worthless non human item that can be dismissed.

I know H will loose much more than me....I know I will end up lucky to be rid of a jerk.

I've been reading all day on Virginia divorce laws and I really have to wonder if H has read anything or if the lawyer told him anything.

I guess he didn't tell his lawyer that he walked out on me. I fought very hard against that and have held down the fort, raising the kids by myself ever since.

H has done very little other than pay his share of the bills.

I'll settle down with the thinking....I get like this for the first day or so. I have to get a 'grip' on what's happening around me.

Thanks for staying in touch with me today. I perk up when I hear my email alert for this thread

[Andabelle]

Just remember, you are the prize-- he is the booby prize :).

Where are you at in VA? I lived in Charlottesville for 7 years (while I was putting my H's a*s through grad & law school).

[Sophie]

Oh!! I am in western Spotsylvania...about 1 hour from Charlottesville. I go to Charlottesville to look at the Antique Shops and 'junk' stores.

Just so you know, I am a fair person. I am not more than fair like an enabler but, I have taken on a share of the finances out of fairness.

I have risen to the 'crisis' as much as possible. There just isn't any more to get from me unless he thinks I can just ask my mom, brother or sister for money....and they aren't easy sells. I've already asked!

[Sophie]

One big step for me....I called MY lawyer.

Yesteday, I had no clue which one...the phone book has too many!!!

Last night when Riley (my little dog) and I were taking out the trash, my neighbor Mr.B, was riding his bike and asked how I was.

In the dark, fog, and drizzle at 10 pm we talked about what happened. MrB is with an insurance company and knew many lawyers. He suggested two but told me a great lawyer lives in our subdivision. Mr. B knows the reputation of the firm...

I called...and stuttered with my words....I didn't know what to say, but the receptionist was conforting and I feel a huge weight off my shoulder for having made this connection.

I have still not responded to anything about H wanting to go to mediation instead of D....It's almost pathetic to have had those papers served me if H wanted mediation instead. H should have tried that route with me first.

I would love to hear H is doubting himself now....and that H is freakin' nervous!!

[Maya44]

God works in many ways Sophie and He brought you that man to refer a great L.

[Andabelle]

Spotsylvania is gorgeous!

I'm SO glad you got a lawyer.

[Sophie]

Thank you.

You know, this might sound too simple-like but....

....it's just that my feelings are so hurt.

It makes me feel better actually, to realize that H is only thinking of himself.
MrB helped me see that clearer...H is destitute and I have no idea how H thinks filing D papers is going to get him the money he needs immediately.

Oh well....it's difficult for me to accept such a lack of common sense.

My strength right now is in the fact that I am not contacting, responding, interacting with H AT ALL>

S10 has a soccer game tomorrow though...I have to deal with H's presence and I'm not sure how much DBing to do. I can nearly hypnotize myself into thinking/acting that H is invisible.