Finally a new wifey thread

[The Wifey]

Guys. I am off to home, but taking home a pile of work. LOL I would rather be up for hours in my jammies doing this stuff than here in the office. Supposed to have my divorce care support group tonight but there's no way I can go tonight. A quick post and then I'm off.

I realized tonight that he really is a bit delusional if he thinks he can separate, divorce, and then rebuild the relationship at that point. He is trying to come to grips with pain that started for him in 2003, when I was a WAW for 2 months. (Long story, read back in my threads or I could clarify if someone is completely lost - when I can find time to come up for air.)

How does he think he can heal his pain by inflicting worse pain on me and then hope to have anything left to build on? I am nearly out of my mind with all of this some times. But I am really, really clear on what I want to have happen.

I have no control or choice about what he is going to do. I see it, I understand it, I accept it. That doesn't make it any more painful.

I do have some choices of my own, though. I love him, I stand for my M, I hate all of what is going on, but I will make it clear to him ( at some point - not tonight) that his choices will be a new beginning for us, or the end of us.

I will love him the rest of my life no matter what he decides. But I really find it hard to believe that I ever could trust him again if he decides to file any kind of legal paperwork, whether for S or D.

I will pray for my H tonight and for all my dear friends here. BabyGirl, Poet, Cookie, Neil, SMW, all of you.... I am sorry I am neglecting you right now. My main job is budgeting for my company and I am in the thick of it. I have 110 budgets to work on from now through the end of December. I will probably be up until 11 just getting done today's work.

I love you all. Remember to include myself and my husband Bill in your prayers.