Wow, you said a mouthful! Thank you so much for taking the time to help me!
His confessing the recent lie triggered me in a big way, but you are right, I need to focus on the fact that he told the truth instead of wondering what else he might have lied about.
As far as the rest, I started my postings early this morning pondering how I should address the issues I was facing...lingering bad feelings and fear that he might have had a PA, and his lying...and in doing so remembering that I'd had an EA! Previously I had been proud of myself that I had stopped myself from having a PA. But after reading on the bb, I realized I had HAD an EA. And I was able to see how my actions might have precipitated his actions. And so I felt guilty for the Pain he MIGHT be feeling from that.
Quoting JJ: As for digging deep into the past, and talking about any past indiscretions, I would suggest that you really look hard at what your motivation is surrounding this. Do you want to do this for him, or for yourself? Would it be to help bring you closer, to help relieve any "guilt" you might have, to help ease his pain, etc.? Would doing this run the risk of stopping the forward momentum you're building up? Or even set you back from where your relationship is now? Do you think that you are at the stage of piecing where doing this would help your cause?
The bottom line is I was concerned about these periods of anger against me that he told me about.
I don't know what is causing them and I'm concerned that they might be holding back our progress.
If he's not angry about my EA, bringing it up would be hurtful and pointless.
So, yes, you answered my question. I think I need to take the time to think about how I want to handle this. Perhaps my best bet is to let him bring up anything he's angry about. And when he does, do my best to validate and apologize.
