Worse before Better?

[Andabelle]

My consultation cost $300.

[Sophie]

Andabelle...I can hire you to consult???

How exactly can I word that to him concerning mediation? Do I have to agree to a D in order to enter mediation?

[Sophie]

I also have to laugh when he asks if there is any 'prayer' of mediation?

I have to laugh and should say 'start praying'...because he hasn't prayed in years...and if H did seek God, that would in itself be a blessing.

[Sophie]

Could H be 'setting' me up with the question about changing to mediation?

[Andabelle]

!!!!!!!!!!
That's what you need a lawyer for, hon! Maybe you can just say you're sorry, but you can't consider mediation as long as he is asking for 100% percent custody of the kids. That will give him something to think about (he'd have to cough up more $$$ to file another motion if he agrees to change it). Tell him you can't agree to anything right now without running it by your lawyer first, and that if his motion remains in its current form, you will be forced to counter it.

Maybe this will buy you some time. You can let your L know you don't want the divorce, and that you're only acting to protect yourself and your kids. It's to your advantage that you're in a fault state (I'm in 50/50 Texas).

[Andabelle]

"Could H be 'setting' me up with the question about changing to mediation?"

Maybe. Could be he's just trying to force you into mediation by playing hardball. Things would probably not go very well for him in court, and he knows it.

A good D lawyer will be able to anticipate his moves.

[Sophie]

Okay...I understand.

If we change to mediation, does H have to file another motion, or can he drop the papers? How does that work?

How does it work that people file and it just sits?

I know which lawyer to call, I haven't been able to yet, in these last few hours.

It makes me extremely anxious and nauseous to hurry up and get a lawyer 'yesterday'...when I can't do that at this immediate moment.

I feel like I'm going to end up in jail! I know I won't but, I've never had to deal with the law in any way shape or form.

I'm a goodie two shoe citizen!!

I just spent most of last week writing amended tax forms because of H's side job. I don't mind doing taxes, I have always done them. I had to learn a bunch of new tings for his 1099. H signed them the night we talked about money. Next day, he files.

I don't care that he doesn't recognize me in any way for anything I do...it's his ignorance and loss.

It's just hard to accept the negativity and rejection from someone I really get along with.

Anyway....back to deep breaths.

[Andabelle]

You'll have to go to a lawyer for answers to those questions, unfortunately. Mediation might not even be an option if he doesn't intend to treat you and the kids fairly. Do you think he would agree to a fair settlement without arm-twisting?

I know it sucks that you feel like you're being punished when you didn't do anything wrong.

[Andabelle]

He may be banking on your dislike/fear of the law.

[Sophie]

Fairly? I don't think the papers indicate he is thinking fair enough for me to feel safe in mediation. But, I don't know what mediation really means. I would rather discuss all this without the battle lawyers take on....

H knows I am pretty strong...he knows I am smart and has feared all along that I would burn him. This may be a huge step in H taking cntrol of something.

He diserted us. I have stepped up to the plate already. I am okay with the financial arrangment that has worked for 3 years.

But, H has slowly lost everything over the 3 years and now he does not have a second job to support his bachelor pad and it occurs to me he is doing whatever he can think of to bail him out of his money problem.

I don't have anymore money to contribute.

This D paper filing isn't going to remedy his bill problems immediately...I'll contest and it'll be, I'm not sure, how long before anything is settled?

I can't see this as a very smart move on his part for anything that he wants. I still think he reacted out of anger, frustration, fear and anger. He's panicked.

If I were rich and made all the money in the family then he'd have some money to tap into.

I don't have any money. I teach from home, so that I can be a full time mom....and all that money goes to the kids and this house and paying for everything the kids do...everything.

H knows this. I can't imagine where he thinks he's going to get money from me.

I can only see being ordered to sell the house, or buy him out...but, he won't get but 10 -20 thousand (which is a lot for him). So, maybe that's his aim.

I just think it weird that after I acknowledged his papers and stated I am now forced to get a lawyer that he asks if there is a chance for mediation! Why didn't he ask me about that first?