My Monkey is reading Divorce Remedy!

[Jamesjohn]

Hi PnT!

Just real quick here, because I need to quit procrastinating on my day job ...

I think that you and Jethro are right on target with your new "Make it easy for him to tell me things" motto. That could help your situation out quite a bit. You can even ask him what you could do, or quit doing, that would help you along this path. A practice in communicating.

Also, be cautious about automatically "assuming" that he's lying. Give him the benefit of the doubt, even for just a few minutes, do a 180 on your thoughts, and look at how you might approach things differently if you were to assume he was actually telling the truth.

If he IS lying about things, rest assured that the truth will soon be revealed.

As for digging deep into the past, and talking about any past indiscretions, I would suggest that you really look hard at what your motivation is surrounding this. Do you want to do this for him, or for yourself? Would it be to help bring you closer, to help relieve any "guilt" you might have, to help ease his pain, etc.? Would doing this run the risk of stopping the forward momentum you're building up? Or even set you back from where your relationship is now? Do you think that you are at the stage of piecing where doing this would help your cause?

To be honest with you, HE might not be thinking about this as much as YOU are.

While you're giving this some thought, maybe you can start "rehearsing" what you want to say, and journal it all on paper. Keep writing and re-writing until you think that you're saying just exactly what you want to say. When you're done with this, you might have a better idea of your intentions, you will know that your words will say just what you want them to, or, you may find out that your urge to even go to that place will pass.

Key DB'ing basics here for yourself of "What you focus on expands", and "Actions speak louder than words".

Hope this helps!

P.S. Did I help answer your question for you at all?