In the past my husband used to lie to me on a regular basis and hide things from me pretty regularly.
I being who I was before I found DBing, went snooping (before we separated) and found 3 things that even today still bother me.
1) He tried to send flowers to someone anonymously.
(When I confronted him, he said he was going to send them to me to see how I responded...could be true as I was in the midst of an EA at the time with a friend's husband, the one who gave me a job in the midst of my depression. I quit my job when I realized that I was on the verge of making it a PA, I talked my monkey's ear off about this guy, so I wonder if he was jealous despite his saying he didn't care and to please shut up about this friend. I realize this is a whole nother can of worms. I did things that I would have been furious with my husband for doing. And I wonder if this is related to his unexpressed anger with me. Should I bring this up and apologize for hurting him?
2) I found where he had researched a hot air balloon ride
(When I confronted him, he said he was researching it to take me as a surprise but that it turned out to be too expensive.) and
3) I found out he had researched how much a trip to hawii FOR ONE PERSON would cost.
When I confronted him, he said a friend of his (a girl whom I suspected he was interested in) had gone and he wanted to know how much it cost her to go. His dream vacation is going to Hawii. She brought him back a really nice lighter.
At the time I took his word for it. Sort of...as obviously they still bug me.
One time I came home and found him leaving to go have lunch with this girl, by themselves. I blew up, told him he couldn't go...he invited me and I said no...he said ok..let me go tell her and he ran out and got into her car and left. However, I had been going out to lunches/dinners with my EA friend just the two of us, so this was really unfair of me.
All this adds up to circumstantial evidence that something may have been going on.
Wow, writing this all down makes me feel more ashamed of myself and I'm begining to believe he didn't cheat on me. He was just responding to my EA.)
And the fact that he lied to me again recently, brings all this back up.
He already knows that his lies make it difficult for me to trust him.
I rewarded his behaviour when he told me he had lied the other day. I know that's the right thing to do.
I tell myself he's lying to me about applying for the job in my town, because I told him apply or it's over. I know, I know...bad PnT!
That's when I had given up. Then I went back and began reading the book and bb again. I called him up, told him I understand his fears, and to take his time making up his mind about moving to my town.
So, I did do some damage control.
So, I could say, he was lying to keep me from saying it's over. Which could mean that he is afraid of losing me.
According to the "Stop Controlling Me" book, It's all about accepting imperfection. It is only when you can't accept yourself that the severity of your feelings of inadequacy goes up and you start hiding things from others.
This says to me that he lies out of self-esteem issues...has a hard time standing up to me and saying, "No, I'm not ready to do that yet."
Sigh.
Means I have a lot of work to do, in order to make him feel safe enough to tell me the truth.
I'm thinking I need to let it go for now...praise his efforts of telling me difficult truths...and ignore his lies? Not sure on that last one.
I know, I know...bad PnT! 
