Thought I would just create a new thread since my other one locked up.
Let me just say, again, how wonderful everyone in this thread is. I "popped in" the Newcomer's Forum for a bit....Holy cow, I'm going to stay away from there I think. There are some HUGE chips on some of those people's shoulders...very defensive, and like Sirprizeme mentioned in another thread, some people just want to vent about how bad their life is. I just don't get that. Why would you want to whine to people you don't know and do nothing about it????!!! I may whine.....Heck, I definitely whine (I guess I am right now), but I wanted to hear how to make changes. It was frustrating over there. I think I will stay in my "Happy Place" (as lis says) which is here in the unhappy thread of "Affairs".
I felt the same way about surviving. Just some stuff happening there that I don't want to be a part of. Maybe they are going through the same stuff as me but I don't know them like I do you guys and you guys have been very supportive and helpful with advice.
Glad you aren't "moving".
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I "popped in" the Newcomer's Forum for a bit....Holy cow, I'm going to stay away from there I think. There are some HUGE chips on some of those people's shoulders...very defensive, and like Sirprizeme mentioned in another thread, some people just want to vent about how bad their life is. I just don't get that. Why would you want to whine to people you don't know and do nothing about it????!!! I may whine.....Heck, I definitely whine (I guess I am right now), but I wanted to hear how to make changes. It was frustrating over there.
I think there are some "newbies" over there who want someone to justify how they feel and give them the magic bullet to save their marriage without having to do the hard work. They're not buying and reading the books to really follow DB.
I remember when I first came to the board; I was in shock and I just wanted the pain to end. I had a few of the "regulars" come to my thread and try to help; but I think that I was on the fence at the time. So they left me. I had already purchased the books and after a few weeks I decided that I had to do DB for me; even if I was on the fence.
I'm not the greatest at DB; but I'm learning from some of the "regulars" now as they post on other threads.
I think "A in Ohio" is one of the hardest working DB'ers in Newcomer's. Some people, though, never get the program.
With respect, WDID, I don't think you're being fair to that one person. It took a lot for her to get the courage to say anything at all...that's the first step. 20 years with an H like that will leave a chip on your shoulder. I think everyone should be more patient and less judgmental about who's "getting it" or "willing to do the work". We've all suffered enough judgment in our marriages already.
Thanks, Kat and h4h, and you're right I would miss you wayyy too much!
MarriedC, I think you're right. I guess everyone has their own journey to go on. I guess I wasn't prepared. I think I have been coddled in this thread. :)It's very hard to hear people give up when they haven't read the books.
Breakaway, I see what you are saying. I don't want to argue here....this is my "happy place". I was talking about more than one person there. But, the one person I think you are referring to...she was very upfront about why she was posting so I tried to respect that. In fact, at least she said she didn't want any advice up front. I was more frustrated with the fact that she thought I said you should trick your spouse to stay with you and even though I didn't she kept saying I did.
I'm the last one that should judge. I was expressing my frustration here.
Thanks, Kat and h4h, and you're right I would miss you wayyy too much!
MarriedC, I think you're right. I guess everyone has their own journey to go on. I guess I wasn't prepared. I think I have been coddled in this thread. :)It's very hard to hear people give up when they haven't read the books.
Breakaway, I see what you are saying. I don't want to argue here....this is my "happy place". I was talking about more than one person there. But, the one person I think you are referring to...she was very upfront about why she was posting so I tried to respect that. In fact, at least she said she didn't want any advice up front. I was more frustrated with the fact that she thought I said you should trick your spouse to stay with you and even though I didn't she kept saying I did.
I'm the last one that should judge. I was expressing my frustration here.
It's cool...I was just throwing in my 2c.
I think maybe she was trying to say that she saw some of the DB techniques as being akin to "tricking" the other person. Right now I would be happy to trick my husband into acting like a normal person...LOL.
I'm glad you're not going anywhere WDID. I can only keep up with one board at a time. I've tried going over to Newcomers periodically, but that board moves so fast it's hard to keep up.
I had thought about moving to Piecing, but I think I'll stay here for now. I'd miss all my peeps!
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
