just when I thought things were stable...

[cat03]

thanks so much for your support guys! work has been a bear and I was in CPR training all day so right now is the first time I got to read your very supportive posts.
Yes, more forgiveness is needed on my part, new forgiveness for what the sitch is now (below is an email I sent my MIL who is in the middle of this mess since stbx pulls her in and out of it all the time, it tells of all that has gone on and it saves me the aggravation of retyping facts that make me mad when I go over them again)

And yes, more detachment is in order, a friend told that I wans't ready to be his friend yet because I was bound to have some expectations, that involving myself yet again in his emotional well being would be detrimental to me, and sure enough it was.

No, I'd never bash stbx to kids, I only answered s10 who came full of questions and was really shocked at what his father was doing, he knows what his dad is doing is wrong and wanted to talk about it and I did agree with him, told him that adults also make wrong choices, that his dad still suffered from depression and that at some degree he wasn't making the best choices right now. I am trying hard to not focus about stbx and her and only on my kids, for a bit I was about to get dragged into the past and wonder how things came to be, but there are too many variables and with stbx's mind still swiss cheese nothing will ever make sense nor fit in a perfect bundle.

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Mrs Xxxx, I'll just give you a quick overview of the situation with the kids and that woman, just so you'll understand how kids (mainly s10) feels, I honestly dont' care what stbx does anymore, he is truly dead to me, not because he choose another woman (ok, that bothers me a little bet)but mostly because of his hurtful disregard of the children's feelings, a person like that is just not worth it for me.

S10 is shocked she stays the night, she stayed over the entire time kids were there and according to Xxxx she will be there most of the time. S10 is upset they keep kissing in front of him, has asked Xxx to stop but he says "she is kissing me" and she thinks it is funny so she does it just to have fun at his expense, Xxx said that he's just going to have to get used to it. S10 just came out and said "it's too fast! I can't believe he introduced her to us and the same day she stayed the night!, if dad ever marries her I want to stay with you only mom". Xxx told me that s10 either accepts it or doesnt', that my idea of "morals" is a brainwash and that the kids will grow up with their own values and ideas. Has told s10 he'll be dating which means if he has another girlfriend after this one he doesn't see any harm in bringing her to stay the night like with this one.

All in all he doesnt' believe in being morals nor being a good example, that the kids will believe what they want to believe and that before choosing a partner he will live with that person first.

As much as I can I'll try to keep kids with me, it makes me sick to think of them around those two. She does cook for them and fixed s5's hair, for the time being looks like she is ok around them, it's just the lack of values and shame that make me not want have kids around them. There are worse things, I know, at least he did take kids out when he had them, so I'll try to look at things in the best positive light I can.

Thank heavens my two little ones believe in God and as little as they are they have faith and that makes me very happy, I know God will take care of them wherever they go.

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